


The Rights To Our Hearts

by masterroadtripper



Series: Telling Our Story [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Adoption, Award Winners, Bad Flirting, Blood, Coloring, Coming Out, Cuddling, Cute Kids, Fourth of July, Getting Together, Hearing aids, Laryngitis, Minor Injuries, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Performances, Pining, Self-Harm, Sleep Deprivation, US Legalization of Same-Sex Marriage, University, brief mentions of anxiety, brief references to past self harm, cute misunderstandings, goofing off, hearing loss, just a sprained wrist, mentions of an eating disorder, mentions of child abuse, stealing props, supportive boyfriends, supportive parents, temporary tattoos, writing in the middle of the night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2019-11-01 14:45:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 34,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17869238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterroadtripper/pseuds/masterroadtripper
Summary: A compilation of quick stories involving Lin-Manuel Miranda, Alex Lacamoire and Thomas Kail and their adventures as friends, coworkers and boyfriends.Tags will change as the chapters get added, each chapter is a different piece of the same story--On Hiatus--





	1. Hearing Aids

**Author's Note:**

> One thing to add before we get started...
> 
> This is an RPF and I wrote it for the sake of exploring a character and pairing while trying to maintain the authenticity of the original person. Nothing more, nothing less. If you don't like this, or if you think RPF's are creepy or weird, just leave, don't bother leaving a comment about it because I will just delete the comment
> 
> If you don't like RPFs or the idea of them, that was your warning
> 
> If you have something nice to say about this, I would really like to hear it <3

**2015**

Lin blinked his eyes open and softly rolled over to check the time on the DVD player set up under the television set in the corner of their bedroom. 5:28, not bad. At least it was after five am. Lin knew Alex and Tommy would kill him if they found out that he had gotten up before five, seeing as they had gotten home from their rehearsal at midnight.

Stretching and feeling the ache of his muscles, Lin slipped out of bed before he had the chance to wake his boyfriends. Walking down the hall to the kitchen, he almost kicked over a small table and walked into a door frame in the dark. Successfully making his way to the kitchen without destroying their apartment completely, Lin begun the task of making coffee. Of course, he could just cheat and use the powdered instant stuff, but Alex and Tommy had worked so hard last night on the show that he figured he would treat them to some real coffee.

Turning on the light under the cupboards, Lin pulled out the coffee machine and took a few scoops of pre-ground coffee beans from their jar next to the toaster. After he turned on the coffee maker, Lin headed over to the electronic piano and grabbed his music binder off the top of the real grand piano. He always hated working on the electronic piano, but he couldn’t plug headphones into the grand piano. The last thing he wanted was to wake Alex or Tommy. They had looked so adorable when he left them just minutes ago.

Opening the zipper binder, Lin pulled out Alex’s sheet music from their rehearsal last night. It was marked up with penciled in notes, stage cues and dynamic notations. Looking over the song that was laying on top of the pile, he reached out to the piano and played over the first few chords, thinking his lines in his head. Hamilton was coming along slower than Lin would have liked. They were just moving it to Broadway. Nothing was changing. Some songs were being cut, unfortunately, but it was necessary to keep it under two and a half hours. It was just that most of the actors had never been on Broadway, so they were starting to feel the pressure. At the Public Theatre, there was very little pressure to not screw up. Of course, it was bad to mess up, but it wasn’t Broadway.

He managed to play through two songs before the scent of brewing coffee was too great to ignore and he got up to pour himself a cup. No milk, no sugar, he took his mug back over to the piano. Another three songs later, he felt two warm, large hands grab onto his shoulders. Pulling the headphones down with a grin, Lin made sure to turn around before addressing the man who was behind him.

“Good morning darling,” Lin said, making sure that he formed all his words properly on his lips.

Alex’s face lit up with a smile before he asked, “is there coffee?”

“In the pot still,” Lin replied, reaching over to turn off the piano before standing and following Alex over into the kitchen. He didn’t speak or ask Alex anything until he was sure Alex would be able to see his lips.

“Did you sleep well?” Lin asked as Alex stirred the cream into his coffee.

“Okay, I guess,” he replied, “how about you?”

“I just passed out,” Lin said with a chuckle, “is Tommy still asleep?”

“Of course,” Alex replied again before taking a sip of his coffee.

Lin waited until the cup had come away from his face before adding, “we’re needed at the theatre at 9:00, right?”

“Yup. Full dress rehearsal,” Alex said before grumbling to himself, “now where are my damn hearing aids?”

“Where you left them last night,” Lin answered, trying not to laugh. He could never understand how Alex perpetually forgot where he put two of the most important pieces of his day.

“I don’t remember where I left them last night though,” Alex said, his voice slightly slurred. Without his hearing aids, Alex had no idea if he was speaking clearly or not, so it often sounded like he was good and drunk. He had had the aids for almost eight years now, having gotten them four years after they met, so it made Lin understand just how much being able to hear actually helped a person. Until the addition of his hearing aids just before In The Heights transferred over to Broadway, Alex would typically miss over a half of a conversation by simply having no idea that something was happening that he needed to be a part of.

“Bathroom?” Lin suggested as a place for Alex to look.

“Already looked there,” Alex replied, scratching his forehead and pushing his unruly curls of hair out of his face.

“Pockets from yesterday’s clothes?” Lin asked and followed Alex back to their bedroom.

“Where did I put my jacket?” Alex grumbled, shuffling through their apartment, his hand carding through his hair, just on this side of frantically. Lin put his size, a little bigger than Alex's wiry frame, to good use and slipped past him in the short hall and moved to stand in front of his boyfriend. Effectively blocking his path, Lin put his hands on his hips and looked up into Alex’s eyes.

“Just breathe, we’ll find them. Couldn’t have gone too far,” he said, reaching out and taking Alex’s hands.

“Yeah, okay,” Alex replied as Lin stepped out of the way and led him back into the bedroom. Tommy was still sleeping in their bed, one arm thrown above his head, the other resting across his stomach.

“Snoring?” Alex asked in question as he looked between Tommy and Lin.

“Not right now,” Lin whispered back before putting his pointer finger to his lips in the quiet signal. He knew Tommy needed whatever sleep he could get before heading back into the theatre in less than four hours at this point.

In the closet, Lin found Alex’s pants and jacket from the evening before and passed the pants to Alex while he dug through the jacket pockets. Lin pulled an old ticket stub, a few receipts, a stub of a pencil and a half dozen coins from Alex’s jacket when he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning around to face Alex, he saw the man’s radiant smile and looked down at Alex’s outstretched hand. His hearing aids.

Lin took them from Alex’s hand and mouthed, “let me help you.” Alex smiled even brighter as Lin moved to his left side and gently put the contraption around the pianist’s ear and into the ear canal before moving over to the other side.

Once Alex turned them on, he whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lin replied, gently taking Alex’s cheeks and turning his head to one side to kiss just in front of his right ear before turning his head to the other side to kiss in front of his left ear.

“Kiss me properly you sap,” Alex said before leaning in to kiss Lin on the lips.


	2. That's a good line

**1999**

Tommy stifled a yawn as he fumbled for the key to his dorm room. It was almost midnight and he tried to be as quiet as he could while he entered the room. His roommate, a scrawny little latino kid from New York was likely already asleep. Or, at least, Tommy hoped he was asleep. In the two years they had known each other, the kid – though he wasn’t really a kid anymore – never seemed to stop moving. He would work himself into the ground and then grab a pickaxe and start to dig. Lin-Manuel, was what the kids’ name was. Puerto Rican, Tommy had learned one day, but he really seemed to belong better in a city. And intelligent. Very very smart, Tommy couldn’t get anything past him. Not that he really wanted to.

Pushing the dorm room door open, Tommy could hear the clicking of piano keys coming from Lin’s bedroom door. Tommy wondered if he ever turned that blasted thing off. It caused him to sleep with earplugs in, because the clicking of the keys at all times of the night was annoying. Thankfully, the contraption had a headphone jack, so he didn’t have to actually hear all the notes.

He _did_ have an appreciation for music. But Tommy could only just barely follow along with a piece of music let alone actually read the notes on the page. It was one of the main reasons that he had chosen not to study music and instead stage direction and play-writing at University.

Knocking on Lin’s door, he didn’t hear the clicking stop, so Tommy let himself in. Lin was sitting at his piano, back to the door, and already in his pyjamas. There was a steaming cup of coffee sitting on the desk next to an open spread of blank sheet music. Lin’s hands moved awkwardly over the keys, adjusting every now and them, fixing a chord here or there. Moving to Lin’s side, Tommy waved a hand in front of his eyes, breaking the spell that Lin was under and caused him to pull his headphones down.

“Tommy, listen to this,” Lin said, before Tommy could get a word in edgewise.  He pressed a button on the piano and started to play. Lin played a few chords before singing, “I didn’t think you’d call tonight | the phone booth rings right by my side | and when your gone I can’t sleep | so take these dreams and send them back to me | so please come back to me!”

“That's good Lin,” Tommy said, scratching the back of his neck, and it truly was, but it was now midnight and Lin needed to sleep. Tommy told him so.

“But I’m on a roll and my third coffee, I’m good to go,” Lin said, reaching out for his headphones.

“Lin stop,” Tommy said, “you’re not running out of time, stop writing for tonight and get back to it once you’re rested.”

“You’re not running out of time, that's a good line,” Lin said, completely de-railing their conversation as he reached for a red spiral bound notebook. Tommy stood there in silence as he let Lin write it down, before reaching out and turning the piano completely off.

“Hey, why’d you do that?!” Lin practically shrieked.

“Lin, it’s midnight, go to bed. And be quiet, you’re gonna wake our neighbours,” Tommy reasoned.

“Fine,” Lin said with a huff, spinning in his chair and crossing his arms over his too-thin frame.

“Good,” Tommy replied, turning to leave.

* * *

Just before he put his earplugs in for the night, Tommy could hear the clicking of piano keys again.  Shaking his head, a grin spread across his face as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this a little when I found this song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i27UGyeX5GM&list=PLFxtUQRT3x4KPMKtVHYCaM7juUnln_M_k&index=40&t=0s) which is the first song Lin-Manuel Miranda wrote for In The Heights, so I changed out the lyrics of the song he was writing during this chapter.


	3. We'll be watching

**2008**

“You both look so fancy,” Lin said, adjusting Alex’s bow tie from where they were standing behind stage. Alex gave Lin a warning glare, reminding him silently to keep the affection to a minimum in public. Lin was the only one of the three of them who had come out to the crew of In The Heights, but Alex suspected that some of the cast could see right through the facade that they had created.

“You’ll be changing into your tux soon enough Lin, keep your socks on,” Tommy said, his arms hanging uselessly by his sides. Currently, Lin was in his Usnavi costume to go perform on stage in front of some of the most important people in the music world at the Tony’s. The costume was a baggy, red, Caribbean-style shirt with a white undershirt underneath and faded jeans. It was almost the exact opposite of formal, but it was Usnavi and when they were done performing, Lin would get to put on his tux. When Lin smiled, Alex couldn’t keep a grin of his own off his face. His boyfriends were so cute when they squabbled like an old married couple.

“You two better go take your seats,” Lin said, wringing his black cap with the white stripe on it in his hands. He was getting anxious. They had had a nice long chat at the hotel before heading to theatre that afternoon which included lots of kissing to make up for what they wouldn’t be able to do behind stage before Lin preformed. During its entire initial Broadway run, Alex had never missed a kiss. Before every show, he managed to sneak one in. A guarantee of greatness, a promise for later.

“Good luck,” Tommy said before giving them both a look that conveyed much more emotion than a simple kiss. Lin and Alex watched as Tommy snaked his way through the performers massing behind stage, exchanging a dozen “good luck” greetings on his way.

“You’ll do wonderful, I know it,” Alex said, trying to take the black cap from Lin’s hands. It was the original Usnavi cap. The first one that he had ever worn on the stage at the Richard Rodgers and was worn in like an old pair of jeans. Once he pried the hat free, Alex placed it on Lin’s head. He knew that the young man in front of him would probably take it off and adjust it multiple times between now and heading on stage, but the sentiment wasn’t lost on him.

“You should go join Tommy,” Lin said already reaching up to adjust his hat. Alex knew better than to argue with him; remind him not to dislodge his mic, remind him not to dislodge the cord snaking down the back of his shirt.

“Alright,” Alex replied, beginning to button up his suit jacket. It would be weird to sit in the audience and actually watch the show from beginning to end while the music he usually played and conducted played over the sound system. But he would get to watch Lin do his Usnavi in a real performance for the first time as well.

“Have fun out there, Tommy and I will be watching,” Alex said, his voice dipping down a little on the last section of his sentence. He watched as Lin shivered before quickly regaining his composure and giving Alex a little punch on his arm.

“I’ll see you guys soon,” Lin said as Alex moved into the crowd of performers.

* * *

“This is the incredible, talented Lin-Manuel Miranda,” Whoopi Goldberg said from the stage. Their boyfriend stood beside her, wringing his hands and looking more than a little nervous. When Whoopi Goldberg said his name, Lin gave a little smile and Alex reached for Tommy’s hand in the dark.

“Honey, just do your thing, do In The Heights, do your thing,” Whoopi Goldberg said, patting Lin on the shoulder before walking off stage. Lin looked around with fake nervousness with a slightly giddy smile. Alex knew it was fake, if he was nervous to do something, he never made facial cues.

“Alright, okay,” Lin said, turning towards the darkened stage area when he started to sing, “lights up on | Washington Heights up | at the break of dawn | I wake up and I got this little punk to chase away. | I am Usnavi and you’ve probably never heard my name | reports of my fame are greatly exaggerated.”

Alex couldn’t stop the grin on his face from spreading even if he tried. He had seen Lin perform in rehearsal while he wasn’t cooped up in pit conducting the music and he had seen him perform around their apartment, but never on a full stage with a full audience. It was truly something else. He commanded the stage, and even though Usnavi was supposed to be shy and slightly reserved, Lin still kept that while at the same time making sure he was the center of everyone's attention.

Soon after that performance, Lin and the rest of the crew had joined them in their seats, out of their In The Heights clothes and into formal wear. Lin was one massive ball of nerves and was practically vibrating from where he was trying to sit still in his chair next to Tommy. On Lin’s other side, Chris Jackson had sat and was now smiling at Lin’s inability to sit still. The Tony’s were a long show for a person with as much energy as Lin had to stay seated, even if he had just done a five minute dance on stage.

When Lin won for Best Original Score, he almost jumped out of his seat with such force that he catapulted himself over the row in front of him. As Tommy, Alex and the rest of the crew practically screamed while cheering, Lin made his way up onto the stage with a massive grin on his face. As he made all his acknowledgements in the form of a rap, Tommy gave Alex’s hand a squeeze. They had done it, they had made it.

He and Bill Sherman then won the award for Best Orchestrations. Letting go of Tommy’s hand to head up to the stage was one of the hardest things he had to do. The roar of the audience was so loud he briefly contemplated turning down the volume on his hearing aids before thinking, “I may never hear this again,” and leaving them alone. Once on the stage, they each did an individual piece of a speech. It seemed so surreal. He had never won something this incredible. He hadn’t gone into In The Heights expecting to get out of it what he did. Not only did he meet his two boyfriends and an amazing cast and crew, but now they were winning awards left, right and center.

Then In The Heights won Best Musical and the whole crew crowded on stage, jumping and bustling about as Lin said another few words. As the crowd cheered, Tommy leaned over to Chris and said, “lift him up.” Suddenly, Lin was suspended on Chris and Tommy’s shoulders, one hand on the back of Tommy’s head for stability, the other thrusting the award over his head.

* * *

“You did it baby,” Alex whispered into the dark of their hotel room. Lin was laying in the middle of the bed, his head on Tommy’s shoulder, a leg thrown over Alex’s and an arm over his torso. It couldn’t have been the most comfortable for Lin, but he wasn’t complaining that it was awkward.

“It doesn’t feel real,” Lin said wistfully.

“Now all we need is to get Tommy a Tony,” Alex said, nudging Tommy’s leg with a frigid toe. He had been nominated for Best Direction of a Musical, but was beaten out by South Pacific.

“Its okay,” Tommy said, reaching out and placing his warm hand on Alex’s shoulder, “we’ll make something even better, and I’ll win for that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This the cast of In The Heights performing at the 2008 Tony awards, I hope I got all the lines right :)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvVgm4imyj0&t=0s&index=31&list=PLFxtUQRT3x4KPMKtVHYCaM7juUnln_M_k


	4. Hypocritical

**1999**

Lin was sitting at his piano, plunking his way through some chords that he had thought of earlier that day during Advanced Acting 200. He had quickly asked the dude standing beside him for a marker, which he was given, and wrote them down on his forearm. Sure, the notes were a little smudged and messy now, but he could still see the letters and that was good enough. He had one headphone pulled forward over his left ear, the other headphone resting just behind his right ear. It wasn’t how he usually listened to his piano, but he was waiting to hear Tommy get back from his studies.

They really needed to talk. Or, Lin thought they did. Because in the two years they had been roommates, Lin felt like there was some kind of tension between the two of them that they hadn’t managed to fix. Tommy was a straight laced Virginian who never seemed to be able to give a solid, concrete opinion on...people like Lin. But that was the issue, Lin hadn’t told Tommy about his sexual orientation. Unfortunately, some things like that were hard to hide. Which was what Lin suspected the tension was about. Whatever it was, Lin wanted to finally clear the air before Tommy convocated.

Lin had known he was a goner the second he opened their dorm room door for the first time two years ago and saw Tommy standing in the entryway, grey Wesleyan University pants just barely hanging off his hips, shirtless with his toothbrush in his mouth. His hair was a little damp, as if he had just gotten out of the shower, his black curls relatively tame and his blue eyes looking at Lin in confusion. They made quick introductions and within the first twelve hours of knowing Tommy, Lin found himself lying in his bed – which was surprisingly bigger than the one he had at home – and cursing himself for having a crush on someone who was likely straight.

So Lin was playing the piano to distract himself. Or, moreso, playing random notes and talking to himself until he could figure out a decent chord progression for a song he was working on. He had thought about this conversation all afternoon before finally phoning up his mom and asking for her advice. Before leaving for university, his parents had sat him down at the dinner table and told him, “gay, straight or anything in between, we love you.” He had burst into tears, which was the only confirmation his parents had needed to solidify their age-old suspicions.

At ten minutes to five, Lin heard the door to their dorm rattle before it opened and the clatter of Tommy dropping his keys onto the countertop in their miniature kitchen. Giving himself a mental pep talk, Lin reached out and opened the door to his room, poking his head out into the main area that their two rooms shared.

“You’re back,” Lin said before thinking sarcastically, “good job Lin, you’ve nailed this conversation so far.”

“Yup,” Tommy replied, placing a plastic bag on the counter, “bought some frozen pizzas for supper. And you’re gonna eat a bunch tonight mister.”

“Cool,” Lin replied, looking down at his feet. So Tommy had noticed that he hadn’t had much to eat yesterday. It wasn’t that he wasn’t hungry, he just wasn’t really used to having the opportunity to eat as much as he wanted. Even though he had been at University for two years, he had had seventeen years of his life as the youngest child of an immigrant family ingrained into his brain.

“You okay there dude?” Tommy asked, looking at Lin properly. He tried to not squirm under the scrutiny. “You look really pale.”

“I’m fine,” Lin lied before changing the topic and asking, “want help with the pizza?”

“Sure, you can unwrap them while I put my stuff away,” Tommy suggested as they traded places; Tommy to his room and Lin into the “kitchen” to get the pizza sorted out. It wasn’t very opportune, this break allowed him to create more ideas into his head about all the ways this could go poorly. But before Lin could let his brain get any farther away from him than it already was, Tommy wandered back into the kitchen.

“I think this is yours,” Tommy said and Lin could see a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. But Lin barely saw it through the screaming of his brain.

“How did that paper end up in the hall?” he thought, “did Tommy read it?”  He took it from Tommy quickly - but not so fast that he would rip it and shoved it roughly into his pocket.

“So, you wanna tell me something?” Tommy said cheekily. So he had read at least part of it. Because that was what he had written on the top of the sheet, “conversation with Tommy.”

“Um, kinda?” Lin said, looking down at his feet again, the nervousness and anxiety of the whole afternoon coming back in full force.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to though,” Tommy replied, the joking in his voice replaced with genuine seriousness, “I shouldn’t have read that paper, it's obviously personal.”

“How much did you read?” Lin asked, leaning back on the counter and crossing his arms over his torso.

“Just the title,” Tommy said, sitting at the bar stool on the other side of the island.

“Fine, um, in that case, I’ll just come right out and say it,” Lin said, stumbling over his words, trying to postpone the inevitable, “I’m gay.” Tommy opened his mouth like he was going to say something before letting it hang there for a little. When he closed it again, Lin felt the fear solidify in his gut. Tommy hated him, he was going to make him leave. But neither of them said anything for almost a minute and didn’t move for almost as long at that.

“First of all Lin,” Tommy finally said, “I already figured that. Second, it would be hypocritical of my to hate you for that. Thirdly, please don’t run out, you look about three seconds away from bolting.”

“But, you...you never said anything...why has it always been so awkward between us? I’m not gonna run away, I’m glad you don’t hate me, but why are you–,” Lin said, letting himself run his mouth for a few seconds before his brain actually processed what Tommy had just said.

“Yeah, you just caught that didn’t you?” Tommy asked, a smug look on his face, “yes, I just came out to you too.”

“Wait, so, you too?” Lin said, his brain finally catching up with the conversation fully. Tommy was gay too? Lin would have never guessed in a million years. Actually, that was a lie, he could kinda see it now that he knew, but he never clued in before.

“Yeah Lin, I think I’ve only confirmed it about three times now,” Tommy said, giving a little laugh.

“Why have you always been so...distant these past two years? I thought you hated me, or didn’t like the fact that I’m gay.”

“If I answer that truthfully, will you promise not to hate me?” Tommy asked, standing from his stool and looking Lin in the eyes.

“I promise,” Lin said with as much strength in his voice as he could muster.

“Because that morning when you first walked into our dorm, that was when everything finally fell into place. Until then, I never really liked anyone, male or female. Then you walked in and some missing puzzle piece was picked up off the floor of my brain and put into place. For a while, I blamed you in my head, until I realized that it wasn’t your fault,” Tommy said.

“So you have a crush on me?” Lin asked, not trying to hide the smile on his face any longer.

“Do you only hear 25% percent of what anyone says?” Tommy asked, but the comment held no anger, only moderate humour.

“Do you though?” Lin asked again, his heart pounding harder.

“Kinda, yeah,” Tommy said, suddenly becoming shy for the first time in their conversation.

“Good,” Lin said, “because me too. From the second I saw you in your sweatpants with your toothbrush hanging out of your mouth.”

“God, you’re so cute,” Tommy said, rounding the corner and enveloping Lin in a hug that was as reassuring as it was happy.  While physical contact was a routine part of their relationship, this hug seemed different in so many different ways. 

“So, I have a crush on you, and you have a crush on me,” Lin said, looking up at Tommy from where they were still standing together and becoming equally as shy as Tommy.

“Are you trying to ask me if I want to date you?” Tommy asked as Lin felt his chin rest on his shoulder. 

“Would you?” Lin replied hopefully.

“Of course, you goof,” Tommy said.  Lin moved away a little so he could look at Tommy’s brilliant blue eyes.  “We’re gonna give this a damn good shot.”


	5. Something long

**2009**

Lin scratched his head through his knit hat. He was looking through the bookstore just a block away from the Richard Rogers, desperately trying to find something thick and long to read on vacation. In just days, the three of them were getting on a plane and flying to Florida for a week long vacation. Alex had finally found someone that could conduct In The Heights and take over the piano part for the week, so they were taking a little break. Lin was definitely ready for a week without having to sing, do hair or makeup, or stand under stage lights for two hours.

Staring at the shelves in the bookstore, willing knowledge and insight to come flying into his brain, Lin seriously considered playing eenie-meenie-miney-moe to decide between the four biggest books he had saw that looked moderately interesting. Then he felt the buzzing of his phone against his thigh and pulled his silver flip-phone from the pocket of his jeans, the last of the four books he had found still in his hand.

Looking at the call display, Lin saw that Alex was phoning him, so he picked up, “hey Alex.”

“Hey, so, could you get back to the theatre asap? The mic system is on the fritz and we need to re-sound test all the mics,” Alex said, his voice conveying the urgency of the issue. They were currently in the middle of a two show day, the matinee having already finished and now they were getting ready for the evening show. Which was why Lin had time to be at the bookstore.

“Lemme just pay for this book and I’ll be back in, like, ten minutes,” Lin said, already heading to the check out, phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder, one hand holding whatever massive book he had been holding when Alex had phoned and the other digging through the pocket of his grey sweater for his wallet.

“Meet us on the stage when you get back. We have your mic kit already here with us,” Alex said, still sounding incredibly frantic.

“Calm down dear,” Lin said into the phone as he smiled at the lady behind the cash desk, “I’ll be there in a few minutes, it’ll all get sorted out, I believe in us.” He then put the book on the counter and remembered which one it was. The book had a beige cover and a picture of the guy from the 10$ bill on the front. Ah yes, the historical biography.

“Alexander Hamilton, huh,” the lady said, scanning the book through the reader, “what made you want to read this?”

“Nothing in particular,” Lin replied, pocketing his phone and pulling out the money to pay for the book, “I just wanted a big fat book to read.”

* * *

“Lac, come look at this,” Tommy whispered through the condo they had rented in Florida.

“What is it?” Lac asked as he came to stand beside Tommy. They had just finished off eating breakfast, with Tommy heading off to shower, Lac going through emails and Lin, well, he had grabbed that damn book he had bought before they left New York and heading outside. There was a pool just outside the condo door, and near it was a hammock. That was where Lin was now laying, one leg propped up and supporting the book.

“Look who hasn’t moved in over an hour,” Tommy whispered, his eyes looking over his boyfriend fondly. Lin’s hair was shaved short for the role of Usnavi and his skin was slightly more golden than usual, having been out in the sun for a few days now.

“He hasn’t tipped himself over by squirming too much?” Lac asked and seemed to be barely preventing himself from laughing. Tommy shook his head “no” while mentally picturing when he had managed to dump himself in the pool yesterday by not sitting still. Thankfully, he hadn’t been holding his book at that point. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Tommy quickly took a picture to capture the moment their boyfriend sat still long enough to actually look at ease.

* * *

“I have an idea” were four words that Alex had started hating to hear coming from Lin’s mouth. Especially if it was followed up with “its based off the book I’m reading.” But regardless of what Alex liked to hear or not, that's what he got to hear while they were eating supper that evening.

“Yeah?” Tommy asked, reaching for his cup of water. And of course, anytime Lin got an idea, Tommy would egg him on. Which Alex would usually do too. But they were on vacation, the last thing Lin shoulder be thinking about was work or writing yet another musical. Yet here they were.

“I really see something in this,” Lin said, putting his fork down and opting to fiddle with his napkin, “I’m reading this and hip-hop songs are just jumping off the pages, you know?”

“Well, when we get stateside, phone the author up,” Tommy suggested, “lets see if we can make something about this.”

“Got any ideas yet, or just an outline?” Alex asked.

“Um, yeah one. So, it would be Senator Aaron Burr, they guy who finally ended up killing Hamilton, and he would say something like, “I’m the damn genius who shot him.”"


	6. You look like a married couple

**2016**

Alex smiled at his boyfriends. They were currently standing in biggest props room in the crossover and they were supposed to be looking through the props to find a spare sword for Chris to use after his accidentally snapped during Yorktown yesterday. Why they had left this to two hours before the next show, Alex wasn’t sure, but here they were.

“Remind me again why we can’t just duct tape the sword together and get it over with?” Lin asked from where he was knee-deep in Shakespearean robes. The props room had all sort of old and unused stuff from age-old shows that had just simply been left behind.

“Because,” Tommy said, raising his hand to finger jab Lin on the bicep, “it’ll look stupid.”

“You look stupid,” Lin grumbled, just quiet enough that Alex wasn’t sure if he actually heard him behaving like a young child.

“But why does the Rodgers even keep all this old crap?” Alex said, picking up a plastic skull that looked like it had come from the dollar store.

“Because you never know when Tommy will need a new brain,” Lin quipped again, stealing the plastic skull from Alex’s hand and throwing it at Tommy.

“Lin, if you're gonna keep acting like a baby, go upstairs and mess around with Groff,” Tommy replied, just narrowly missing the flying skull with a sharp jerk to the left.

“Okay, but wouldn’t it be freaky if someone had been murdered and they hid them in a prop box,” Lin said, standing up straight and throwing a purple robe over his shoulders.

“Why is that where your brain goes while we’re in the middle of searching through these boxes?” Tommy asked before snatching the robe from Lin and folding it.

“But wouldn't that be a neat idea?” Lin asked, squishing the lid of the box down and putting it back onto the shelf it came from.

“Your next hit musical: Murder in the Theatre,” Alex said, pulling down a new box and cracking it open.

“Right next to the musical: main character eats fireworks in the opening scene,” Tommy added on with a laugh.

“Don’t hate, that was a damn good idea,” Lin said, digging through his box and pulling out what looked like a rhino horn. But judging by the way it flopped around, it was soft plastic.

“If it’s not a sword, put it back,” Tommy scolded Lin, not even looking up from his box. Putting his fingers to his lips, Lin made the “shhh” motion and moved a little closer to Tommy, inch at a time. Soon, he was close enough behind Tommy to reach him from where he stood.

Suddenly, a loud, “BOINK,” was shouted from Lin, followed by a high pitched shriek from Tommy. Lin had stuck his hand into the rhino horn and used it to forcefully ram in the direction of Tommy’s rear end.

“You fucking walnut,” Tommy shouted, spinning around and grabbing the rhino horn from Lin, who had decided that it was a grand time to burst into uncontrollable giggles and collapse to the floor in laughter.

“Be glad I love you or else you’d be eating this right now,” Tommy threatened in a voice that was obviously trying to mask the humour he was experiencing.

“You called me a fucking walnut,” Lin said, his voice strained and wheezy, interrupted by fits of laughter. Sliding down the wall, Tommy sat on the floor next to where Lin had retreated to fetal position in laughter.

“You wrote this whole damn show,” Tommy said, “and yet you’re here laughing over a rhino horn prop.”

“You should have heard the noise you made though,” Lin said before making a shrieking noise like Tommy had and erupting back into giggles. 

* * *

They were standing on stage, a group of interviewers getting them ready to have a discussion with some news group or something – Alex had accidentally turned his hearing aids down earlier and forgot to turn them back up enough to hear what they were actually going to be talking about. Tommy was wearing a suit, less a tie, and looked quite adorable with his hair going in all sorts of directions. Lin was wearing jeans, a Hamilton tee-shirt with a grey sweater over top, his hair down from the bun it had been while they were looking through props. Alex had chosen to just change into his black dress shirt and pants to get ready for conducting the show and Andy, the choreographer, was wearing a white dress shirt, black tie and dress pants.

As the camera people were clipping on tiny little microphones to their shirts, Lin snuck up to stand beside Tommy. He watched Lin look around, as if he was making sure that no one was watching. When his eyes rested on Alex’s, he winked and Alex knew immediately that Lin had something up his sleeve. Literally or metaphorically, Alex wasn’t certain, but Lin was up to something. Lin then leaned over to Tommy, his mouth at the man’s ear, and whispered something. Tommy suddenly stood up tall before his hand came up to his mouth. The laughter was poorly stifled and soon, the two of them were clinging to each other in fits of giggles once again. 

* * *

 

 _You two look like a married couple_ , was what the caption read and the pictured showed Lin, his head thrown back in laughter with Tommy desperately clinging to Lin, almost entirely doubled over with a massive grin on his face.   _Aren't we?_ was the response from Lin, having shown up just minutes after Andy had posted the adorable picture on Twitter. And if Alex had saved the picture and set it as the wallpaper on his phone, he would deny it to anyone who asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off this hilarious picture. I saw it an automatically thought of this story. Obviously, since Vanessa doesn't exist in this universe, I'm pretending that Andy (the choreographer) was the one who took the picture. Yes its from pinterest, yes I use pinterest too much.
> 
> https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/AYRkzqvKDkN5VpWHhxZY7JPDC8dQFOlNcrFxi00GgZCRYNA5Xc7_5LY/


	7. Not hungry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for discussions of potential eating disorder and mentions of self harm (this last one is very minor though)

**2015**

“Not hungry,” Lin said, standing from the breakfast table in their apartment. Tommy frowned but said nothing, letting Lin walk down the hall to their bedroom, grumbling about the useless of breakfast the entire way. Sure Lin was a picky eater, he didn’t like eggs, milk, most vegetables, but pancakes – he loved those. Especially when they had been made by Lac.

“Was that what I think that was?” Lac asked once they both heard the sound of the shower running through the relatively thin walls. Tommy thought back to the conversation that he had had with Lin following finding him wedged between a wall and a toilet about a week ago in the middle of an anxiety attack. _I’m fat_ , he had said. Tommy knew that he had body image issues, always had. Ever since they met in university, Tommy knew that Lin had struggled and was still struggling with how he looked – and how he thought he looked. Tommy would catch him going entire days without eating, back in the day. In The Heights changed that, as Lin typically burned through all his food energy and then some during rehearsals, and with the addition of a consistent paycheque, he was a healthy weight for the first time in his life. Sure he had put on some weight in the past four years, but by no means was he fat. Yet Lin seemed to think he was. But as far as Tommy was aware, Lin had yet to skip a meal before a show. And today was a two show day. So what snapped?

“Should probably go check on him,” Lac said and Tommy echoed that sentiment in his thoughts. He didn’t want a repeat of last week. That was not something that was healthy for any of them.

“Yeah,” Tommy said, following Lac down the hall towards their bedroom. The shower was still running, but that didn’t necessarily mean that Lin was actually in the water. Tommy knocked on the bathroom door and called their boyfriend’s name.

“Go away,” Lin said, his voice clean and clear. He hadn’t been crying, or at least it didn’t sound like it.

“Nope. Lac and I are gonna come in, ok?” Tommy said, not leaving time for a reaction before opening the door and stepping into the haze of steam in the washroom. No cold shower this morning – good.

“I’m fine,” Lin said, “just finishing up.”

“We’re not gonna baby you Lin,” Lac said, “but you need to come eat your breakfast when you’re done.”

“Like I said before, I’m not hungry,” Lin replied. While Lac was occupying Lin, arguing with him, Tommy was surveying the washroom. He opened the medicine cabinet as silently as possible and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that all three of their razors were sitting neatly on the third shelf – right where Tommy had seen them last night. Turning to Lac, he smiled and gave a thumbs up. There would be no repeat performances of last week, though no doubt Lin considered it. He continued his survey of the washroom, and noticed that he only saw Lin’s grey sweatpants on the floor. Was he still wearing his tee-shirt and underwear? Tommy remembered that that was something Lin used to do back in university when they had to deal with the horrendous communal showers. But he hadn’t done it since as far as Tommy was aware – he never found wet clothes in the wash basket.

“Lin, where is your shirt?” Tommy asked, hoping to prompt an explanation. When he got no response back, he knew he had stumbled onto something. Closing his eyes and pressing the palms of his hands to his eyelids, Tommy began striping out of his clothes. He really hadn’t been planning on getting wet this morning. Oh well. Pulling back the opaque shower curtain, he heard Lin shriek as he frantically tried to scootch away from Tommy. Why he was sitting on the floor, soaking wet, wearing his black boxers and red tee-shirt, Tommy wasn’t certain, but he shook his head and sat down in the tub. Lin was directly under the spray of the shower now, the water causing his long black hair to fall down in front of his face, and Tommy, well he wasn’t even getting wet at this angle. Their knees touched. The tub was certainly not big enough for two grown men to be sitting in in this way.

“What are you doing?” Lin asked, his voice still maintaining it’s screechy quality.

“Showering. Getting you clean because you didn’t shower last night. Hair and makeup will love you once we get you clean,” Tommy said, reaching for the bar of soap. He lathered up a handful of soap and reached forward, going up onto his knees, which protested his every movement and started rubbing the bubbles into Lin’s hair. Water poured down Tommy’s back, effectively blocking the water from hitting Lin and washing the soap off.

With a little luck, he managed to finally get Lin clean and out of his soaking tee-shirt nonetheless before the hot water decided to stop working. Tommy let Lac dry Lin off and help him change while Tommy did the same thing for himself. Less than a half hour after Lin had abandoned his breakfast, they were back in the kitchen, two fresh chocolate pancakes in front of Lin.

“You have to eat honey,” Tommy said, taking a sip of his coffee, “its a two show day, you won’t have time to be eating again until dinner tonight.”

“Don’t wanna,” Lin grumbled, picking at the pancake while glaring at it with as much anger as he could muster. He looked like the pancake had just personally insulted his family.

“Don’t want to is different than I’m not hungry,” Lac said and Tommy had to agree. At least it was a different protest now.

“Remember what I said last week,” Tommy prompted before saying, “we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s wrong.”

“Fine,” Lin said, finally picking up his knife and cutting a piece of his pancake off and eating it. _Finally_ , Tommy thought before Lin continued, “I just feel so different than everyone. I’m not fit, I’m not thin. I’m just average and I know that’s not bad, but I just want it to be like it used to be.”

“Too skinny for your own good?” Tommy asked.

“No,” Lin said way too quickly before saying, “well yes. I don’t like being hungry, but I wish I was skinny like I was back in uni.”

“That wasn’t healthy though Lin,” Tommy reasoned, “you hadn’t eaten proper for seventeen years and we really didn’t eat that healthy in uni either. That wasn’t good for either of us.”

“But I wasn’t fat,” Lin said, returning to glaring at his pancakes.

“You’re not fat now,” Tommy said and watched Lac reach out and hold onto Lin’s hand. The one that held his fork for a little before it returned to its place on the table. He watched as Lac rubbed small circles into the back of Lin’s hand, four seconds per complete circle.

His breathing. Tommy was suddenly glad that Lac was sitting with them. He hadn’t even noticed Lin’s breathing was starting to get shallow and irregular. Thank goodness for Lac.

“You’re beautiful Lin,” Tommy said, deciding to switch tactics. He didn’t need a panic attack setting in before a show.

“You’re just saying that because you’re my boyfriend,” Lin replied.

“But it’s true. You know me Lin, I don’t dole out compliments with liberty,” Tommy said and watched as Lin huffed before his used his right hand – the one Lac wasn’t holding – and picked up his fork. He didn’t try to pull his hand away from Lac and instead stabbed the entire top pancake and took a bite from it. Tommy considered it a temporary success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter mentions "last week" often and the whole hand holding part at the end. Thats a reference to the first work in this series. If you haven't checked it out, I would recommend you do.


	8. Don't do anything weird

**2004**

“He’s an amazing conductor and even better pianist,” Tommy said. Lin barely looked up from where he was barely listening to Tommy. One ear was listening to the noises his electric piano was making inside his headphones and the other ear was listening to the first – not Tommy. Yeah, he was excited that In The Heights had gotten to a point in its development that it was ready to get casting and actual people to play music, but at the same time, that meant that it was going to have to be read and written by other people. He really didn’t like that idea.

“The meeting is already happening,” Lin said, his tone grouchy. Tommy had set up this meeting without consulting him first, of course he was a little peeved.

“Yes, with or without your cooperation,” Tommy replied, “so get dressed, we gotta get going.” Lin threw a scowl over his shoulder. He knew he was being childish. Of course he was being childish, but at the same time, he felt like he deserved a little time to be mad at Tommy.

“Fine,” Lin grunted out, reaching to turn off the piano. Once it clicked off, he stood and followed Tommy to their bedroom. The whole “their” part of that last sentence was what still got Lin every time he thought it. They hadn’t been officially living together long, but just a few months ago, Tommy sold his apartment and moved in with Lin. He couldn’t have been happier.

“What are you wearing?” Lin asked, staring into their shared closet with a frown.

“Dress shirt and a nice pair of pants, this isn’t meant to be too fancy,” Tommy replied, pulling a pair of beige pants from his side of the closet. Lin continued staring into the closet. He missed the days when a knit sweater made jeans and a tee-shirt fancy. Finally deciding on his grey sweater with black pants, Lin put them on.

* * *

“Please don’t do anything weird,” Quiara, the In The Heights playwright said as the three of them walked up to an old warehouse building that had been repurposed into a theatre. Lin was wondering if this was really the place that this “amazing conductor” had agreed to meet them at. It seemed like a pretty obscure place, but Lin was informed that this was the only time during his day that he was able to set aside for them and that there was a piano that he was willing to perform for them on. Fine. Awesome.

“I’ll try not to spontaneously break into song, I promise,” Lin said, resisting the urge to reach out and hold Tommy’s hand. “We’re in public Lin,” a voice that sounded suspiciously like Tommy’s said in his head. Quiara pushed open the door to the theatre and the lovely lady at the front desk pointed them in the direction of the pit, where the conductor they were looking for was, supposedly. Lin followed behind Quiara and Tommy, nervously holding his binder of scribbled notes and mostly complete songs. He really didn’t feel ready to have someone he didn’t know play, let alone read his music. What if this guy doesn’t like it?

As they headed through the crossover, Lin could hear the sounds of a piano playing, stopping, then playing again. It seemed to be the same lick of music over and over again, just with different dynamics in different areas everytime. Different emphasis on different key ideas of the lick. The three of them rounded the corner and Lin caught his first look at the person playing the piano.

The man was small, he looked like a high school student from this angle, his face clean shaven and his brown hair, more curled than Tommy’s – which Lin didn’t realize was possible – hung down the back of his neck, tied together with what looked like a pain beige elastic band. And whatever he was playing on the piano, Lin didn’t recognize it, but it was good. This guy obviously had skill.

“Alex,” Tommy said in greeting when the man looked up from the piano. They obviously knew each other or had met before, because instant recognition crossed the pianist’s features.

“Mr. Kail,” the pianist – Lin assumed his name was Alex – replied before he stood and made his way over to them. Upon closer examination, this Alex guy was older than a high school student, probably closer to his and Tommy’s ages. And his eyes were almost green. Fascinating, Lin thought as he mentally catalogued that for later. For what, he had no idea, but it seemed like something he wanted to keep in mind.

“This is Quiara Alegria Hudes,” Tommy said, pointing to Quiara and letting the conductor shake her hand.

“We spoke on the phone,” Quiara said.

“You’re writing the novel and the script,” the conductor said as if mentally connecting the dots. Quiara nodded and smiled at the conductor.

“And this is the brain behind this whole thing,” Tommy said, passing a comforting smile in Lin’s direction, “Lin-Manuel Miranda.”

“Nice to meet you,” the conductor said before introducing himself as, “Alex Lacamoire, conductor and pianist. Quiara said you're looking for someone to bring your music to life.”

Lin clenched his jaw and tried not to frown. His music already had life, it just needed more that one person playing it now. And now he was childishly angry at Quiara. Once again, not really her fault.

“Yeah, I have most of the hooks and chorus’ done, now it's just time to orchestrate it – I’ve never been great at that part,” Lin admitted, holding out his precious binder stuffed and packed to the brim with music to Alex, who took it and gingerly held it in his hands as if it was something sacred. Lin appreciated that.

“Why don’t you show me what you want me to play and we can start there?” Alex said, passing the binder back to Lin without once opening it. Lin couldn’t help but let his mouth fall open a little at the exchange. Alex was going to wait for Lin to give him something. He wasn’t going to look at Lin’s notes or half finished scribbles of lyrics, he only wanted to see what Lin was willing to show him. Lin admired that. He liked the short conductor already.

* * *

Lin walked out the doors of the theatre, he and Tommy walking Quiara to her car.

“What did you think of him?” Quiara asked, leaning on the hood of her car, arms crossed, a smug look in the direction of the two men.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that, I thought he was good from the beginning, Lin was just being sour,” Tommy said, defending himself.

“Okay fine, you’re right,” Lin said, “he’s good, he’s really good. And I think that he’ll be a good addition to the crew. Where did you find him anyways?”

“Friend of a friend,” Tommy said, as if that actually explained anything.

And if Lin thought that Alex was cute, he was never going to say anything or act on his feelings. Human hearts were only big enough to love one person in that way – right?


	9. Look at the fireworks

**July 4, 2016**

Tommy was watching Lin out of the corner of his eye – the latino’s movements more jerky than usual. He knew that Lin was getting anxious about leaving the show in four days. It was time for him to move on, was what Lin had said when he finally attached a date to his final performance. July 9th would be the last night that Tommy would have the opportunity to watch his boyfriend dress in his Hamilton costume and sing his lines. If Tommy was being honest, it made him sad as well.

They had just finished up their performance, and what a performance it was. Tommy had been expecting excitement – considering that it was the Fourth of July – which the audience did not fail to provide. And the cast seemed to feed off the energy as well, their performance becoming more energetic than usual. Everyone was exhausted and yet the Fourth of July seemed to bring out everyone’s inner child.

That afternoon before the show, the three of them had arrived at the theatre at different times, each having different errands to run before the performance. Lac had to stop at Long and Mcquade to pick up some order on some piece or extra part for some element of the orchestra pit that had broken a few days ago and was finally ordered in. Lin had gone over to the school he had attended for elementary school to do some kind of presentation for them before heading to the Rodgers and Tommy, well he had to get to the theatre to work with Javier. Javier, aka their future Alexander Hamilton for the final duration of the show’s run on Broadway with this cast. Sure, he already knew most of everything, but he wasn’t as well versed with the character as Lin was. How to be spot on every time was something he still needed practice with. And now he had less than a week to figure it out.

“Tommy Tommy Tommy look look look,” Lin said, as he walked into the theatre, his hair falling loose around his face. Tommy had sent Javier back to his dressing room to take a break and stretch before joining the ensemble for the night, so Tommy was sitting in the theatre seats, just watching the calm stage. It was nearly silent and the stage was lit with an eerie glow, yet somehow, through it all, there was a sense of peace about the stage having a break. And then Lin wanted to show him something, shattering the peace and pulling him back into the present.

“Yes Lin?” Tommy said, turning in the seat he had chosen to sit in to face the direction that Lin was coming towards him. It appeared that his boyfriend hadn’t even bothered to stop off at his dressing room before coming to show him what he had.

“You know back in school when we would get those temporary tattoos on event days?” Lin asked and suddenly had 100% of Tommy’s attention. He hadn’t let the kids at the school put one on his face or hand, had he?

“Well I got, like, seventeen of them from school and I’m gonna go put them on,” Lin said, digging into his pocket and pulling out a handful of tiny paper American flags that he wanted to put on himself.

“What, all seventeen?” Tommy asked, trying to wrap his head around his boyfriend’s ridiculous plan. He was used to Lin having slightly crazy ideas, but this was definitely a new one.

“Yeah,” Lin said, his smile spreading and reaching his eyes, “c’mon Tommy, it's the Fourth of July, when else are you gonna cover yourself in flags?”

“I am not putting even one of those on me,” Tommy said, reclining against his chair, crossing his arms and fixing his gaze at the stage.

“How about a half of one then?” Lin said, putting his face directly in Tommy’s line of vision, his smiling face making Tommy want to crack under the pressure.

“No,” Tommy replied, “but I’ll help you put all seventeen on, then you can surprise Lac tonight after the show.”

And that was how Lin ended up with seventeen American flags on his stomach and chest. Originally, Lin had wanted to put them on his arms, but Tommy reminded him that the white shirt he wore on stage was really thin, as to not be too hot, and everyone in the audience would be able to see them through the shirt. Tommy thought that, without that option, Lin would drop the ridiculous idea. Instead, he took off his shirt and told Tommy to put them on his chest. He hadn’t quite resisted the urge to roll his eyes, yet he did it for his boyfriend anyways.

That evening after the show, the cast changed into fancier clothes and went down to the bay to watch the Fourth of July fireworks. Tommy, Lac and Lin, as well as some of the rest of the cast, had opted to walk down, it wasn’t that far anyways. As they were walking, Lin leaned over to Lac and said, “Alex guess what?”

Lac shrugged but smiled. He put on an interested face, even though Tommy could see that their poor conductor was exhausted. “What?”

“I have a surprise for you tonight,” Lin said, loud enough for Lac to hear but not so loud that the other people walking with them could hear it.

“Well, I shall try to stay awake for that then,” Lac replied as they continued their walk to the docks in silence. Tommy tried not to laugh thinking about what Lac would do when he learned that the “surprise” would be seventeen fucking American flags on their boyfriend.

The fireworks were marvellous, bursting in all shades of the American flag over the Hudson River for almost an hour. It was beautiful and really made Tommy feel sentimental about being an American. As the announcer person made it known that they were starting the finale, Tommy saw Seth whisper something to Lin, which was then passed onto Chris and Javier. Tommy smiled as he was almost certain he knew what they were planning.

“Look at the fireworks,” Seth started singing and Tommy knew that he had guessed right. The group of the cast that had been in both In The Heights and now Hamilton were all smiling as they all started picking up the lyrics.

“Look at the fireworks fly!” Tommy felt someone grab onto his hand. He looked down and saw that Lin had laced their fingers together as it was the most normal and natural thing to do. When his other hand was captured by whomever was on his other side, he saw the rest of the cast linking hands until they were all joined.

“Light up the night sky!, Light up the night sky!” Lin was looking at the sky, his face a mirror of childlike wonder as the colors of the lights he was watching exploded before them. His lips were moving in time to the words but Tommy wasn’t sure if any words were leaving his mouth or not.

“Look at the fireworks, Look at the fireworks fly!” Lac was standing between Pippa and Anthony, looking around at the rest of the cast, his chocolate green eyes wandering face to face until he met Tommy’s eyes and they stayed like that, just being in the presence of the other without worrying about anyone else, because no one else was worried about them

“Light up the night sky...Light up the night sky!”

* * *

They made it back to their apartment before one the the next morning, all three men looking forward to falling into bed and not moving until noon that day. As they were undressing, it seemed as if Lin had completely forgotten about the temporary tattoos or his promise to Lac that he had a surprise. But as Lin stripped off his white dress shirt, gaze zoned out on something on the other side of their room, he heard Lac huff out a laugh before dissolving into full-on giggles.

“What did you do to yourself darling?” Lac said, abandoning his jacket in favor of resting his hands on Lin’s hips, eyes looking over the tiny flags.

“Happy Fourth of July?” Lin said, cracking a tired, lopsided grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as a Canadian, we have Long and Mcquade music stores. I have no idea if those exist in the states. If they don't, could someone tell me what y'all do have please?
> 
> This was three ideas combined into one. I wanted to do a "look at the fireworks"/ITH reference on the fourth of july, something childish and goofy and then something with temporary tattoos. This is was was created.


	10. Whatcha playing?

**2008**

Alex woke up much earlier than he was expecting to, yet he was not surprised. They were finally opening In The Heights. It had taken them nine years to get to this point, yet he had only been onboard for four of those years. Rolling over onto his back, Alex stared at the roof of his apartment, his ears seeming to ring in the silence – which he now knew wasn’t actually as quiet as it seemed.

It had been Lin-Manuel, the small latino kid playing the lead role in In The Heights, the one who had wrote the whole thing nine years ago in college, who had finally asked him if he could hear things properly. Sure Alex knew that he couldn’t hear quite as well as he could as a child, but being in loud and crowded orchestra pits for the majority of his high school, college and young adult life, he figured he just had gotten better at tuning noises out.

But he took Lin-Manuel’s advice and had gone to a hearing clinic, getting tested on just how good (or bad) his hearing actually was. Sixty to sixty-five percent hearing loss from exposure. Because of his music, he had lost well over half of his hearing in roughly sixteen years. Because of what he loved. It was hard to believe that what he could hear was not actually what was happening. He had gotten a set of hearing aids in the mail about three weeks later and couldn’t believe just how ridiculously loud he had been turning up his piano just to hear it. And as it turns out, the sound of the subway outside his bedroom window was actually quite audible through the walls.

Getting out of bed and heading to the washroom, Alex put on his hearing aids and turned them on – the noises of Manhattan becoming suddenly very clear as they cut into his head, a set of sounds he never realized that existed until just weeks ago. He washed his face and shaved before heading back into his bedroom to change. He didn’t want to wear his dress shirt yet, it would get plenty of wear for the run of In The Heights, so he put on a worn in tee-shirt that said, “I’m a treble maker,” on it. One of his friends at Berklee had given it to him for his nineteenth birthday and Alex liked it a little more than strictly necessary.

Pulling on a pair of jeans, Alex shoved his black dress shirt into his messenger bag and practically dragged it behind him to the kitchen. He briefly debated skipping a cup of coffee and breakfast and just heading down to the theatre, but realized that that was likely a terrible idea and that he would be cranky by the time their lunch break rolled around. That was the last thing he wanted to subject his wonderful coworkers to for an entire morning.

* * *

The Richard Rodgers was looking stunning in the light of the morning sun. Alex always liked getting off the train one stop early, just so he could walk the rest of the way to the theatre, taking in the environment of the day. The air was brisk, but not cold by any means. Sure he had been born in California before his family moved to Miami, but this was not cold. He had been to Canada in the winter. That was cold. Alex hummed to himself as he walked, his eyes on his destination the whole time.

There was a crane set up out front, changing out the signs on the front of the theatre. They had already changed the big one on the side of the theatre, but now they were putting up the official ones.

As he pushed open the door to backstage, Alex was suddenly hit with the feeling of chaos. Obviously Lin-Manuel was already here, Alex thought to himself. That kid just carried an air of chaos with him every single place he went and was able to rile anyone and anything up like it was completely normal. Alex smiled to himself as he walked past an open door to a group of ensemble performers singing lines from the show.

But the pit was calm – thank the good lord. None of the orchestra members had arrived yet, they weren’t needed until after noon. Sitting down at his piano/conductor stand step up, he stared straight ahead at the stage. From where he sat, Alex could see the set of their show.

He had gone with Tommy and Lin-Manuel to Washington Heights and to the house where this all started.  The neighbourhood looked exactly like the set.  In the heights, he had met Lin-Manuel’s mother and she gave them cups of iced tea before showing them a picture of her son as a young child, with a pair of underwear on his head and a plastic microphone in front of his face, obviously singing something with great passion.

Alex had thought the picture was adorable – of course he did – adorable just like the present-day kid in the picture. But that visit to the house, meeting mama Miranda, it confirmed his suspicion. Lin-Manuel and Tommy were dating, and likely had been for a while. Not that anyone actually said anything, but he could read people. Ms. Miranda obviously knew Tommy, and knew him quite personally, seemingly. And when she had gone to the piano – the one that Lin-Manuel had learned to play on, she told them – and picked the picture off the top, he noticed another smaller one. One of someone with suspiciously curly black hair, blue eyes and high cheekbones kissing the cheek of Ms. Miranda’s son. He wouldn’t say that it made him upset. It didn’t. It just meant that neither of the hottest men he had seen in ages were single. At least they had found each other, and, realistically, Alex was happy for them.

So as he stared at the stage and let himself indulge in a few minutes of fuming over his lack of a love life before turning on the piano at his waist level. Reaching into the pocket of his jeans, he pulled out a folded scrap of paper. It was written on a McDonald's napkin. He had done it last night on his way home from the theatre when he had stopped for a coffee and scribbled down the tune that was in his head. Unfolding the paper and smoothing it out, he put it up on his stand and started to play.

“Whatcha playing Alex?” a chipper voice said. It was one that Alex recognized, he had only heard it everyday since the start of the production of In The Heights. Puerto Rican accented, rough and yet smooth all at the same time. And suddenly, the head that accompanied it was poking itself into the pit from the stage. Lin-Manuel was hanging practically upside down off the stage and was very close to his personal space. He knew the kid liked to be pretty physically close to people, but this was a new level of close.

“Just something I jotted down last night,” Alex said, willing his voice to not sound startled or confused.

“Sounds like Heights,” Lin-Manuel said, propping himself up on his elbows and lifting his head out of Alex’s immediate personal space.

“I wanna work it into the playout music, I think it would work well for the bass guitar or the cello,” he replied before adding, “but I don’t wanna tell people what to do for their solos.”

“Hmm, yeah,” Lin-Manuel said before rolling over onto his back. Alex frowned briefly, watching the young man laying on his back on the stage, not yet wearing his costume but instead a pair of ratty jeans and a green camo shirt. “Intermission music when everyone is getting seated again?”

“Wouldn’t wanna take away from Sunrise,” Alex replied.

“You’re making some very convincing arguments for not playing more music,” he said.

Then they both heard Tommy say loudly and yet affectionately, "Lin-Manuel Miranda, get your scrawny ass over here."

“Oh you’re in trouble,” Alex teased as he watched Lin-Manuel hoist himself off the stage.

“Don’t I know it,” he replied before jumping off the side of the stage and running up into the theatre seats in the direction of their show’s director.

* * *

Alex hesitated as he reached up to unhook his hearing aids for his ears. He hated to do it every time, because he hated the ominous silence that followed. The knowledge that he could hear less than half of the actual sounds he was hearing through his apartment walls. But he still did it and still placed them where they belonged on the table beside his bed before flopping backwards onto it.

Alex would swear the next morning that he didn’t dream of any of the people in the show he conducted the music to that day or the next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this, Alex calls Lin-Manuel by his full name because I wanted to make that distinction to change when they start dating. Just as an extra little cute thing for later
> 
> I also wanted to do a little thing about Alex's hearing. Personally, I have hearing loss due to exposure as well, from playing in band for almost 10 years. Its not bad enough to necessitate hearing aids, but when I listen to music and can turn the sound up to actually hear it, I imagine its what Alex would feel like, being able to actually hear. So...yeah.


	11. No one to tell me no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive TW for self harm. If this is an issue for you, just skip this chapter.

**1998**

Tommy knew the smell of blood. He had played enough sports during high school to know the smell and know it well. Years of skinned knees from the rugby pitch, the baseball diamond or the soccer field, cuts from fights, or knocked out teeth gave him personal experience. But it was truly not something he had ever thought he would smell in his and Lin’s dorm room.

Tommy had woken in the middle of the night and he was hungry. He knew exactly why, had had an exam that ran over supper and had promptly returned to the dorm he shared with his kinda cute, scrawny, latino roommate since the beginning of the year before falling asleep. He hadn’t eaten since lunchtime and suddenly it was two o’clock in the morning and he really wanted some toast. And since he had no parents or siblings to tell him no, Tommy got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen.

But the second he opened his dorm room door, he noticed that the door directly across from his – Lin’s door – was wide open. Which meant that Lin was awake and either wandering their dorm room or had taken an adventure to the washroom. However, as he walked the short few steps to their miniature kitchen, he heard the soft shaking sobs that he had been becoming unnervingly used to as he simultaneously became accustomed to finding his roommate hiding in various places in their dorm, small body shaking with the grips of panic or anxiety. Between the sobs and the slightly metallic scent in the air, Tommy found himself walking faster.

As he rounded the corner, he found Lin huddled over the small kitchen sink, his back to where Tommy was standing. And for the first time since they met, Tommy realized that he had never once seen Lin without a shirt on. This was the first time he had ever seen the extent of how little was actually on Lin’s frame. He was skinny, very very thin – almost unhealthy and as he cleared his throat, he watched Lin freeze.

“Lin, are you okay?” Tommy asked, his desire for toast completely forgotten when he saw the shake of Lin’s shoulders stop.

“Leave me alone,” Lin said, his voice small, shallow and laced with his accent that disappeared most days.

“You know I can’t do that,” Tommy said, taking one step closer to Lin, who had yet to turn around or even move.

“Please leave,” Lin said, his voice cracking.

“Turn around, face me, and then I’ll go,” Tommy said, wanting to know if he was truly okay. There was no way that he would leave Lin without knowing if he was okay or not. To confirm whether or not Lin was truly just...getting a drink, or actually having an issue with something.

“I can’t,” Lin said and that was all the confirmation that Tommy needed that something was wrong. He had no idea what, exactly, was wrong, but something was. So as he took a few more steps towards the sink, he kept a lookout for whatever was making the horrible metallic smell of blood. Maybe he had slit his hand open on that stupid box cutter again. But as he got closer to the sink he could see a rag, covered in blood, in the basin. What on Earth? Where did he cut himself?

“I’m not gonna touch you Lin, but can you please turn around,” Tommy requested and held his breath as the young man finally did as he asked. His right hand was resting on the right side of his abdomen, pressing into the thin flesh, and his left hand was holding onto the counter. Tommy refused to let himself jump to conclusions, but there was one that he kept trying to push further and further from his mind.

“Why are you out here Tommy?” Lin said as Tommy watched the younger man start to shake again.

“You’re cold Lin,” Tommy said, “where’d your shirt go?”

“I dunno,” Lin grumbled. Tommy crossed his arms across his back and tugged his own shirt off. Lin surely would need the warmth a lot more than he would.

“Put it on,” Tommy said, passing the shirt to Lin. Lin grabbed it with his left hand, the one not pressing against his stomach for dear life. As the younger man pulled the shirt over his head, he lifted his right hand. That was when Tommy saw the blood. It had been mostly cleaned up – likely by the stained rag in the sink. It appeared that there were four identically sized cuts, each a little over an inch in length, with the skin surrounding each red and raised.

“Oh Lin,” Tommy said, the words falling out of his mouth on a breath of air. That was when Lin finally cracked. Tears started rolling down his cheeks, seemingly without control, and he collapsed in on himself. Tommy stepped forward and gathered Lin up into his arms and eased them both to sitting. Then their backs were against the cabinet door, Lin hiding his tear-streaked face in Tommy’s chest. And as miserable as Lin was, Tommy was glad that he hadn’t had anything to eat since lunchtime, that he was able to be there with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I projecting on a character? Perhaps...


	12. Puerto Rican koala

**2015**

Lin was sitting in his dressing room, his old Gameboy chiming out the tune to Tetris as bricks fell down the screen. But his mind was elsewhere, only half heartedly playing the game. Once the bricks accidentally stacked too high yet again, Lin switched the device off in frustration and half-heartedly threw onto the table in his dressing room.

Scratching the back of his head, feeling the shift of his long hair, trying to figure out where Tommy or Alex would be at this moment. They would probably be better entertainment than his Gameboy. Tommy would likely be up in the lighting booth talking with those technicians and watching them to their pre-show light check. Alex was probably down in the pit, rehearsing parts of the show or supervising a warm up. Out of the two of them, Alex would probably be slightly more open to company, Lin figured, so he walked out of his dressing room and took an immediate left down the hall.

His black boots clicked a little in the silence of the hallway, so Lin tried to walk on his toes as to not disturb the silence. Before a show, silence was priceless. In the crossover, Lin waved a little hello to Daveed, who was having his afro pulled back into a tight ponytail for the show, before opening the door to the pit. There were no intelligible music noises coming from the pit. Sure, there was sound and people playing their instruments, but it was not a concrete song.

From where he stood in the door frame, Lin could see Alex. His back was towards his performers and seemed to be working on something against the wall. As Lin wandered through the pit, waving a hello to the people he passed, he saw that Alex had taken his hearing aids out and had put them on his music stand.

“Perfect for a sneak attack,” Lin thought to himself as he approached his boyfriend. From behind, Lin reached out and stiffly dug his fingers into Alex’s shoulders, causing him to jump high and let out a rather loud squeak.

A few of the musicians laughed. Lin said into Alex’s ear, “I’m sorry, but that was funny.”

“S’okay,” Alex replied, his voice slightly slurred but without anger regardless. At which point, Alex and Lin found themselves comfortably out of words. Lin decided that he wasn’t really needed upstairs for at least another twenty minutes, so he sat down on Alex’s piano bench beside him and leaned against the warmth that was his smaller boyfriend.

As they sat together, simply enjoying their closeness and the ability to just...love freely without the constraints of society in a part of the world where no one judged, Lin found himself practically draped over Alex. And yet, Alex didn’t seem to mind.

“There you two are,” the voice of their boyfriend said, just able to be heard over the sound of the orchestra pit. Alex didn’t flinch, so he obviously hadn’t heard Tommy at all. Lin looked over his shoulder at Tommy and smiled. As he met Tommy’s bright blue eyes, standing out against his black dress shirt in the dimness of the pit, he watched his face contort into a smile. His features softened and he walked over to the two of them, Lin’s face still half against Alex’s back.

“Smile,” Tommy said to them, though it was doubtful that Alex heard, before taking a picture of the two of them.

Lin had it set as his phone background for weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the series of tweets from Hamilton's time at The Public Theatre with "The Puerto Rican Koala"


	13. Falling backwards

**2015**

“Tommy, come dance with me,” the voice of one of his boyfriends practically whined from the stage. Tommy was actually surprised that Lin had managed to occupy himself with his most recent book for as long as he had before running out of attention and wanting to do something else. Tommy was seated in the front row of the Richard Rodgers, working on a speech on his laptop. It was for Lin and Lac. He was planning on proposing soon – hopefully before Hamilton begun its official run at the Rodgers – but he wanted to come up with something to say.

The three of them had come to the theatre early today, Lac wanted to work on his conducting/piano playing set up in the pit, so he and Lin had come along as well. That was where Lac was, crashing through the pit. And Lin, well he was currently laying on his back in the middle of the stage, his arms flopped out at his sides and the book abandoned above his head.

“You know I can’t dance very well,” Tommy replied, looking up from his laptop and blindly clicking to save his document.

“Practice then,” Lin said, raising his head from where he was laying to look at Tommy. He really wasn’t in the mood to dance, or attempt to dance, but he could rarely resist the big puppy-dog eyes that Lin was giving him at that moment. Besides, a little good natured physical activity never hurt anyone.

“Fine,” Tommy replied, shutting the lid on his laptop and climbing up onto the stage. It truly felt weird to be on it. It was like Lac had said one day, “Lin has the spotlight gene. We don’t.” As he walked towards the center of the stage, he felt the ridges of the spinning turntable passing under his well-worn-down sneakers.

“C’mon Tommy,” Lin said, holding out his hands to him. Tommy felt the verge of an eye roll setting in, but he knew how much Lin hated when he did that, so he forced his eyes to hold still as he took his boyfriends’ hands in his. They were warm and soft, just like he was expecting.

“How are we gonna dance?” Tommy asked. He could feel the awkwardness setting in just on the edges of his consciousness. It was the whole public setting that was turning him back into an awkward teenager again.

“Normally Tommy,” Lin said, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek before putting his hands on Tommy’s shoulders. “Just slow dancing. Nothing complex about it.”

“So...where do I put my hands?” Tommy asked, looking at where they had limply fallen down by his side when Lin had kissed him.

“On my hips. You're over-thinking this. Just the same as you did back in high school. Surely you had a school dance back then?” Lin smiled once he was done and Tommy tried to smile back, his awkwardness settling like a rock in his gut. But he still put his hands on Lin’s hips, just as he was asked. It felt nice, familiar, and it seemed to quell his fears in a way.

“Now, we just sway, nothing hard,” Lin said, pulling Tommy a little closer as he started moving back and forth. At first, he tried to resist, tried not to move. But eventually, the movement did cause him to move a little, then a little more. When Lin leaned in to kiss him again, he finally gave up and just went with it. It wasn’t like they were a secret and so what if the rest of the cast saw them? No one cared anyways.

* * *

They were running through Helpless and Satisfied later that day once the rest of the cast arrived. As Tommy sat in the crowd, trying to focus on the stage, his actors, the music and the laptop sitting in his lap, he found himself completely zoned out. He understood why Andy wanted to run through Helpless – because, frankly, it was a mess – and Satisfied was just kinda weird with the moving stage.

In the audience chairs, his laptop dimmed to a barely visible brightness, and the document open to his speech, Tommy thought about the words he was hearing sung. Lin had wrote this. Did he want to be married? Did he want it to be like this? Or was the wedding simply and purely historical with no deeper meaning? And what about Lac? Lac used to speak of marriage, yet it had kinda fizzled and he hadn’t mentioned it for weeks. Maybe it was because he had given up. That was a comment Lin had made over supper once, a while back. That he had given up hoping for the ability to marry anyone and had since he was young. He was so pessimistic sometimes, but internally, Tommy feared the same thing. What if they never got the chance to marry. Sure it was legal in the state of New York, but the United States wouldn’t recognize their marriage. What if their love was criminalized again?

* * *

Alex bounced his knee up and down in the pit. Earlier, when all three of them had come to the theatre, he had said it was to fix his pit set up. That was not true whatsoever. He had wanted to come to the theatre alone, work on a song he was writing in peace. Then Tommy had suggested they all come down together. So he spent the time pretending to organize and not write was he was working on.

It was going to be for Tommy and Lin. In theory, it was going to be a reworking of the wedding march song, then with pieces and chords of their shows added in. He was terrible with words. Always had been, but music notes and the piano, that he could do. Lin’s grumbling about marriage laws had sparked the idea into motion months ago, back when Hamilton was at the Public Theatre. Besides, regardless of the law, what was passed or what was let through, he didn’t need a judge to tell him that he loved his boyfriends and wanted to be together past death doing them part. So he would write a song, the one way he knew that he could say something and have his words not fail him. In his head, it sounded beautiful, but without peace and isolation, he couldn’t actually put it into notes or onto paper.

Andy had stopped the dancers, actors and Alex stopped his musicians, their noises skidding to a stop. He could hear more than see what their choreographer was trying to change, but whatever it was, it wouldn’t affect his music, so Alex zoned out. He was suddenly forced to zone in when he heard a muffled crash followed by laughter. That never meant anything good, so Alex stuck his head out of the pit to see Lin standing on the floor, no longer on the stage and dusting off his bum.

“I’m good!” Lin said, raising his fisted hands above his head in triumph before climbing back onto the stage.

“Lac, your boyfriend is a klutz!” Chris shouted from where he was standing on the second level in sweatpants, a t-shirt and holding his sword. They all looked truly ridiculous. He knew Chris meant no insult to Lin, they had been friends for longer than he had known either of them, so he couldn’t help but agree.

“I’m fine!” Lin announced once he got back onto the stage and went to go stand beside Pippa again. Why he ended up so close to the edge of the stage – so close he would end up falling off – Alex supposed he would never find out.

* * *

Lin wasn’t really paying attention. He was too busy thinking about...well...everything. And it was hard enough to remember any choreography as it was. It wasn’t like he was a bad dancer, nah, he was alright. But it was much easier to just...park and bark. Lin wouldn’t even trust himself with too much choreography. Andy obviously made the right call, until he asked him to practically run backwards relatively close to the edge of the stage. In theory he was supposed to have turned around to see the edge of the stage and stop before he actually fell off.

But then there was the sudden feeling of vertigo and the unmistakable feeling of falling backwards. He had fallen off stages before – heck, he had even launched fellow actors off stages before – but never backwards.

Thankfully, the way the Richard Rodgers was set up, there was a good amount of space between the edge of the stage and the front row of seats. So as he fell, he was able to get his feet under himself relatively well before breaking his fall on his arms. As he hit the ground, Lin felt one of his wrists twinge. Not in the way that it would be broken, just enough to probably need ice and some rest. But before anyone could worry, Lin found himself regaining his energy and composure while his cast mates chuckled.

As he stood up, ceremoniously brushing himself off, he saw Alex’s head poke out from the pit – curls sticking out in every direction. In a act of slight panic, so he didn’t worry Alex, he shot his arms up into the air.

“I’m good,” he said, jumping up and down a little.  No one could know that Alexander Hamilton had sprained his wrist. He watched as Alex – his Alex – looked around as if he was trying to understand what was happening and why he was standing on the floor.

“Lac, your boyfriend is a klutz!” he heard the voice of Chris – that traitor – call to Alex. But he knew Chris meant no insult to it, and besides, it kinda was a klutzy move. Just like that one time that they launched Robin into the orchestra pit during an In The Heights rehearsal of 96000.

“I’m fine,” Lin called to Chris, Alex and perhaps Tommy, who was sitting in the audience in surprising silence. Climbing back up onto the stage, Lin pushed his hair which had escaped its bun out of his face and tried not to wince when the motion jostled his injured wrist. Maybe on their lunch break he would be able to get some ice from the stage manager. Surely Jason wouldn’t speak a word of this to either Tommy or Alex.

* * *

“So how is your wrist feeling?” Tommy asked that evening once they had boarded the surprisingly quiet A Train back to their apartment in Washington Heights. He had to stop himself from laughing out loud when he saw the look on Lin’s face. A mixture of surprise and betrayal.

“Did Jason tell you?!” Lin said, his voice in that awkward halfway place between whispering and shouting when his accent was extremely strong and pronounced.

“No, Jason kept your precious secret, it was Nancy actually,” Tommy replied.

“Why didn’t you say anything darling?” Lac asked, his voice conveying his anger that Lin had said nothing.

“Hamilton can’t get hurt,” Lin said, crossing his arms and slouching in his seat, his position mimicking that of a petulant child.

“Hamilton is a character, you are a human Lin,” Tommy replied, “What if it was more than just a sprain?”

“But it wasn’t, Nancy checked me over, I’m fine,” Lin grumbled.

“Fine,” Lac said, “But if it happens again, promise to tell someone?”

“Yeah,” Lin said before they sat in silence for a little bit. Then he added, “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. I thought I could deal with it on my own.”

“We know, Super-Lin,” Lac said, teasing their boyfriend.

* * *

The next morning and Lin noticed that his wrist was more purple than strictly normal around the joint. Sure, he got weird bruises here there and everywhere from things he couldn’t always remember the cause of – but this was surely due to his tumble off the stage. Sticking his head out of the washroom, where he was dressing after having a quick shower, Lin called into their apartment, “do we have any tensor bandages anywhere?”

It wasn’t a very large living space, so he was sure either Tommy or Alex would have heard.

“In the kit under the sink,” Tommy called back. Leave it to Tommy, their former sports med student, to know exactly where all their first aid stuff was. Lin opened up the drawer under the sink and found a sealed bag with a rolled up bandage in it.

Bringing the unrolled bag into the kitchen where Alex was sitting, playing some music in his head through his fingers onto the counter, Lin looked around for Tommy. Turns out he not only had no idea how to bandage a sprained wrist, but even if he did, it was next to impossible to do with only one hand. Tommy was sitting on the couch, scrolling through something on his tablet in his lap, so Lin plopped himself down next to him.

“Yes love?” Tommy said without looking up from what he was reading. Looking over his shoulder, Lin saw that it was an article about some political thing. He wondered if it was the article that his father had sent him by email that morning. Of course his father would have mass emailed the three of them something political.

“What’s that?” Lin said, the tensor bandage forgotten,now sitting limply on the couch cushion near his rear end.

“Um, your father sent us an article. Supposedly Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act is going to court to be challenged,” Tommy replied, his brow furrowing in the adorable way it always did when he was trying very hard to figure something out.

“Wait,” Lin said, his brain failing to catch up to what Tommy had just said, “That's the federal same-sex marriage ban, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Tommy replied, “They’re trying to get rid of it. It would legalize all state-recognized marriages and make all other state bans unconstitutional.”

“Holy crap,” Lin muttered and felt the tears, years of fear and everything else that had been compounded by the ban swirling around in his head, tears coming to his eyes quicker than he could stop them.

“Oh honey,” Tommy said when he heard Lin sniffle for the first time. Suddenly he was being pulled into a hug, followed by Alex sitting down behind him, just to round off the sandwich on the couch. “We’re good, good things are happening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) please go watch a version of the OBC In The Heights cast preforming 96000. Robin de Jesus gets really close to the edge of the stage at the end and it made me wonder if he had ever actually fallen off before.
> 
> 2) I had to do a little research on this because I needed dates, but... New York legalized same-sex marriage in 2011, the US of A struck down DOMA on June 26, 2015 and Hamilton opened at the Richard Rodgers on July 13, 2015. The timing is pretty close.
> 
> 3) I'm not sure what the frick-frack-taddly-wack happened for that ending. I wrote about 95% of this a week ago, forgot about it and also lost my train of thought completely. So yeah, thats why the ending is disjointed.


	14. The Beatbox Incident

**2000**

“Next run through of this, David, make sure you pass the beatbox over to Karen,” Tommy said, barely looking up from his script, trying to organize actors and props at the same time. Their year-end production of “Our Town” was starting to come together, yet David seemed to be scrabbling to find the beatbox.

“Can’t find it,” David reported, his head poking up from behind what was supposed to be a bed to announce.

“Where on earth would it have gone?” Tommy muttered to himself before calling a ten minute break so he could run down the hall to the props room to see if they simply forgot to take it out.

* * *

“I found a beatbox!” Lin said excitedly as he opened the door to their rehearsal room and bounced inside carrying his loot. He had found it in the props room and it looked just like the old beatbox that one of his friend back home would bring with them whenever they went to mess around in the local park. It was perfect. He had signed it out and ran back to the room before anyone could bargain it off him.

“Does it actually play anything?” Julio, the guy that was playing his best friend, asked.

“Nah, but it looks real though!” Lin said, finding himself unable to contain his excitement. Finally, one of the things he had wrote was actually getting somewhere. He set the beatbox down on the edge of the stage, which they were pretending was a park ledge.

“Lets try “Penny and Clave”,” Lin yelled, which sparked some people into action before he sat himself down on the stage next to Julio.

* * *

Tommy couldn’t understand how yet another prop had gone missing. It was only days after the beatbox incident – he never ended up finding where the beatbox had gone, the signature on the sheet was illegible – when the half phone booth had been nabbed before them. And by the same nonsensical signature nonetheless. Without that signature, he wouldn’t be able to find where it had gone and demand its return. Or at least a temporary truce until Our Town was done.

* * *

Lin was on the side of the room, his grey binder sitting on the stand of the piano, his rear end on the piano bench. The kid – and he really was just a kid; Nicky looked way too young to be in university – sat on a chair next to him as they got ready to sing “In The Heights.”

Nicky was a fine actor, and latino, which helped and was exactly what Lin needed, but his singing was a little sketchy sometimes. And this song, Nicky had to be on his own, vocally. He would be standing in the phone booth and essentially singing to the phone.

“You ready?” Lin asked, cracking his knuckles and positioning his hands over the keys, ready to play the first chords.

“Sure,” Nicky replied, answering in his own non-committal fashion. Taking that as a yes, Lin started playing the opening chords of the song.

“I can’t sit still at all tonight | the phone booth rings right by my side | how did you get this number,” Lin sung, hoping that Nicky would join in in his fashion. When he was ready.

* * *

Tommy felt like crawling into their dorm room on hands and knees he was so tired. Between attending regular lectures and directing Our Town afterwards, he had very little energy left behind to do much else. Once he got the door to their dorm open, he let himself in and listened for Lin. _Your boyfriend_ , his brain screamed at him in an excited addition. He was able to pinpoint exactly where his _boyfriend_ was – at that damn electric piano. The clicking keys gave it away. Tommy should have guessed, ultimately. He knew that Lin was getting some music ready for a show so of course he was working on it.

As he made his way further into the dorm room, he noticed a piece of paper on the table. Their dorm contract for the new year. The decade had just changed and the university needed them all to sign this new thing. It was a yearly occurrence that Tommy usually forgot about.

On the bottom of the page was two spaces for signatures, one already filled with a suspiciously familiar scrawling and unintelligible jumble of ink.

* * *

Lin put his hands on his hips as he examined the props room. He needed a table and a bag for the song he wanted to rehearse. Debating between three tables, he wasn’t sure which one would actually work the best. Maybe the sturdier looking one in the corner – if he was anticipating standing on it.

Reporting his decision to Julio and Encaro, the three of them loaded the table onto the dolly, and got ready to wheel it out of the room. Stopping at the door, Lin signed it out in the book before following his Benny and Pete back to their rehearsal room.

* * *

Tommy stomped down the hall of the Center for the Arts on a mission. The “good” table had gone missing from the props room. He was almost ninety-nine percent sure that he knew exactly who had that table and who belonged to that signature.

Lin.

It was almost an identical match with the one that was on the dorm agreement which he had handing in that morning. Now, the only missing puzzle piece was which rehearsal room he was working in. Tommy was sure Lin had never mentioned where he was rehearsing “In The Heights,” but he was going to find that room if it was the last thing he did.

* * *

Lin was standing on the table, in the middle of a rap when the door to the rehearsal opened and he was suddenly staring into the icy blue eyes of his boyfriend. Nicky, who was standing the closest to the real beatbox which was playing music, pressed the pause button.

Hoping off the table, Lin practically skipped over to Tommy, causing some of the other people in the room to giggle a little. They obviously all thought Tommy was the straight-laced Virginia boy that Lin used to think he was.

“Hi Tommy, how can I help you,” Lin said, suddenly pleased that his boyfriend had come for a visit. Yet at the same time, he was confused. Tommy was supposed to be directing Our Town.

“Can we talk in the hall?” Tommy asked and suddenly Lin was worried. Had something bad happened?

* * *

Tommy ran his hands through his curled hair, suddenly nervous to start this conversation. He didn’t want Lin to get mad at him, because the props room was open to anyone to use unless you had booked the prop for an actual scheduled show. Which neither of them had done.

“Lin, um...I was wondering if Our Town could use the table that you are currently using,” Tommy requested, trying hard not to break eye contact.

“The table? You guys need it? Sure,” Lin said, his usual happy chiper-ness not dampening one iota. That conversation went a little different in his head than it actually had.

“You sure?” Tommy asked, feeling guilty.

“Your show is opening before ours, you need the practice with it,” Lin replied.

“The beatbox and the phone booth too,” Tommy said, staring at his feet. He could feel Lin’s dark eyes boring holes into his forehead. Why was this so hard to do?

“I’ll agree on the phone booth but we really really really need the beatbox,” Lin explained before reaching his soft hand out to touch his chin. Using his fingers to raise his face so they could actually look at each other, he added, “Tommy, look at me. I’m not mad at you.”

“I didn’t think you were,” Tommy confessed yet still felt slightly sick at the thought of stealing something that didn’t belong to anyone of them.

* * *

Lin knew why his boyfriend was shying away from taking the props that he was fully willing to give to him. He just didn’t exactly want to say it to Tommy’s face – he didn’t know if Tommy had connected the dots yet or not. So instead, he had phoned his mom and they had discussed what he could do to help Tommy get over his fear of talking to people and asking for things.

Which included encouraging him – exactly what he was trying to do. He knew that Tommy wasn’t comfortable with coming out or announcing to the public that they were dating, but he looked so uncomfortable that a tiny bit of physical contact wouldn’t hurt.

“I just really need to use that beatbox because it gets thrown around a little. Don’t wanna break a real one,” Lin explained, dropping his hand to his side, “Do you need the table right now?”

“If you are sure you don’t need it,” Tommy said, his voice small and weak.

“I’m sure love,” Lin said, leaning in and giving Tommy a quick kiss on the cheek in the privacy of the empty hall, “wanna come get it?”

“Sure,” Tommy said, short and clipped, before adding quietly, “thank you Lin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. The song that I mention (Penny and Clave) is something I made up. Its based on an interview I watched on Youtube where Lin Manuel Miranda said that there was a song where he and Benny were singing about puns on their names. Benny and Penny rhyme and Usnavi and Clave kinda rhyme. If I can find the original Benny/Usnavi song name, I will change that.
> 
> 2\. The characters (Julio, Nicky, Encaro) are totally made up. I don't know the real names of the people who were in In The Height, original version, so I found some semi-latino names to use
> 
> 3\. The song Lin Manuel Miranda and Nicky are singing is the one that I used in an earlier chapter where a deleted character was on the phone with Nina, I believe. 
> 
> 4\. The idea for this chapter as a whole came from an interview where it is said that Tommy Kail and Lin Manuel Miranda never actually met prior to watching In The Heights. The closest they came to meeting was stealing props from each other for their respective shows. Creative liberty at its finest.


	15. Unusually Quiet - Part 1

**2016**

Lin had been unusually quiet last night on their way home from the theatre, but Alex figured it was about right. To quote their show, he had been working non-stop to get everything running as smooth as possible. That combined with his project for Disney and Lin had been barely sleeping. The only thing that was kind of nagging at the back of his mind was how raspy and almost painful-sounding his voice had been when he was on stage last night.

When Alex woke up to their alarm the next morning and found that Lin was not only still asleep in their bed between him and Tommy, but still snoring softly, he thanked the lucky stars that he had finally fallen asleep. He and Tommy had gone into the kitchen to make breakfast, leaving Lin to sleep for a little longer. Once the pancakes were ready to go, Alex went to wake Lin, who snorted and complained gruffly.

“Time s’it?” Lin muttered, his voice soft yet more raspy than usual. Alex frowned and wondered if their Hamilton was getting sick. Hopefully a cup of tea would fix his voice right up.

“Time to get up honey,” Alex said, rubbing his hand over the back of Lin’s forehead and it felt suspiciously warm. He sighed softly, Lin was definitely sick, that was too warm to just be slightly overheated. Lin pushed himself up to sitting, his hair matted to his forehead where he had been sweating throughout the night and his arms shaking as if sitting up was an extreme exercise.

“Did the–,” Lin started to ask before seemingly uncontrollable coughing wracked his body, curling into himself as he struggled to control his lungs. Alex reached out and soothed his hand across Lin’s back, his heart hurting for the man he loved so much who was hurting so much.

“Lin, you okay?!” The frantic voice of Tommy asked as he practically skidded around the corner into their room. Once Lin regained control over his lungs and the coughing subsided to a soft wheezing, Tommy leaned in and pressed a kiss to Lin’s hot forehead.

“Lemme find you a Tylenol honey, you’re burning up,” Tommy said, climbing off the bed and walking into the ensuite washroom, shooting Alex a look that read, “we need to talk.”

“Wanna lay down some more? We don’t have to be at the theatre until noon,” Alex suggested.

“Need to go work,” Lin insisted trying to climb off the bed. Alex put his hand across Lin’s chest, a move that Lin usually easily overpowered, but today trapped him.

“No, you need some more sleep,” Alex said, smiling as Lin relented and laid back against his pillow and closed his eyes, all fight gone. He spent a few seconds to just observe his obviously sick boyfriend. The black rings around his eyes were so much more pronounced and sunken into his skin, no longer hidden by stage makeup.

“He’s sick,” Tommy said, matter of factly as Alex walked into the bathroom once he was sure Lin was actually asleep and not just going to sneak out of bed once he left.

“Fever, uncontrollable coughing, raspy voice,” Alex said. He was kind of scared to admit what he thought was up with Lin, because it would mean that he could be off the show for weeks. It would be like torture for him.

“He needs the day off so we can take him to the doctor,” Tommy stated before pulling his phone out of the pocket of his pants, “I’m going to phone up Javier and tell him to get ready, Lin can’t go out there tonight.”

“I have to be at the theatre for sure, my stand-in isn’t...good enough yet,” Alex admitted, yet felt bad for essentially abandoning Tommy with their very sick boyfriend.

“That's okay. I don’t think the theatre will not fall apart without me for one night. I’ll phone Luz and maybe suggest she comes and looks after Lin for the night,” Tommy added, “Maybe phone the doc and see if he has any open appointments today.”

* * *

Alex was pacing the theatre, trying not to worry, but that was hard. He’d never seen Lin so sick before. Sure, he’d seen him absolutely exhausted and stressed out and mid-panic, but never so sick he couldn’t push himself up to sitting.

Before he had left for the theatre, Alex had helped Lin dress himself and brushed his hair out before putting it into a bun under a hat. They had fed him some pancakes, which he said made his stomach hurt, then some tea and a Tylenol, which he didn’t complain about, before getting onto the train. Tommy and Lin were going to take the train downtown then transfer to a different line to get to the doctor, Alex would head to the theatre.

At the theatre, Chris had found him and assured him that Lin had probably just worked himself into the ground again and that nothing else was wrong. No one dared even play devil's advocate and speculate if Lin had laryngitis. Alexander Hamilton wasn’t allowed to have laryngitis and Lin would be devastated if he did.

Soon enough, though, Alex found himself distracted with other tasks to ready the theatre for their upcoming show. It was stuff Tommy would usually do, but without their director, his tasks had to be divided up among the different support cast. That and getting Javier ready to be Hamilton for the night.

It was around two that afternoon when his phone started buzzing in his pocket in the middle of a sound test. Usually and under any other circumstances, Alex would just let it go to voicemail. But it could be Tommy and Lin and he needed to know what was up with his boyfriend.

“Hey honey,” Tommy’s voice said over the speaker when he accepted the call, having stopped the orchestra, explaining that it was Tommy calling.

“Tommy, what did the doctor say?” Alex asked, cutting right to the topic. He couldn’t handle the suspense. He needed to know what kind of state Lin would be in.

“Its laryngitis,” Tommy said, his voice cold and almost detached, as if he was the doctor providing the news and not his boyfriend. Alex felt his heart plummet.

“How long will he have to be off the show?” Alex asked. “At least a week. By then the antibiotics will have started to do their job and he will at least be able to function again. It could be another week before he can sing again,” Tommy reported, “and in that time, he’s not allowed caffeine, or to speak, hum or otherwise make sound with his vocal chords.”

“You know this is Lin we’re talking about, right?” Alex said. That man practically lived off caffeine. He was essentially addicted to it.

“Yeah. Someone will have to be with him, 24/7. And he’ll likely experience symptoms of caffeine withdrawal,” Tommy said. He really didn’t see how they would prevent Lin from not only not singing and working and doing the one thing on this planet he loved more than anything else, but also not drinking coffee. Maybe he’d actually have to sleep like a normal human.

“I phoned Luz and told her what was going on. She said she’s coming to pick him up and bring him home. She said she’ll stay with us as long as needed since Luis is in PR right now,” Tommy added.

“What do you want me to tell the crew?” Alex asked, looking around at his musicians. They were watching him with a worried gaze. Even though they could only see his side of the conversation, he obviously looked worried.

“Tell them that Lin will be away for at least a week, so Javier will be Hamilton until then. I will be back for tomorrow’s show and that Andy will be in charge for the time being. I think he should be able to handle that. Um, what else? Anything else?” Tommy said, muttering to himself at the end.

“I think that's good. I’ll get everyone up on stage asap. And Javier just got here. We have a full cast at least,” Alex added.

“You’ll need to let management know, they’ll need to amend the docket and add the change slip into the program. And make sure Groff adds in the change to his thing at the beginning. Make sure someone takes over the Ham4Ham,” Tommy said before adding, “Sorry to dump all of this on you love. You have so much to handle already.”

“Don’t worry about it Tommy, it's what needs to be done, yeah? Just make sure Lin doesn’t talk. He has to get back out here,” Alex told Tommy before telling him that he loves him before hanging up.

* * *

It was late when Alex finally got home after the show. Javier had done fine, Renee was amazing for the Ham4Ham show and overall, nothing went horribly wrong. Yet, without Tommy throughout the night, there was stuff that needed to be wrapped up afterwards, so Alex, Andy and Jason had volunteered to get it all sorted out. But that meant that by the time they had left the Richard Rogers, it was almost midnight. Add another half hour of transit time and it was twelve thirty when Alex finally walked into their apartment.

Walking into their apartment silently, he noticed that none of the lights were on and there were no clicking keys of the electric piano in the living room. Was Lin actually asleep? In curiosity, Alex poked his head through the doorway of their room and saw that yes, there were two human shaped lumps under the covers of their bed and neither had any electronics out.

They were both legitimately asleep. Alex decided against showering and just changed before crawling into his side of the bed with Lin now snuggly in the middle of the two of his older boyfriends, safe and sound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not totally sure when Lin Manuel Miranda was actually off Hamilton because he had laryngitis, but it happened sometime. Also, I'm not sure if it would be Javier Munoz or Jon Rua who would be the Hamilton understudy at that time, because at some point, both of them were not only Hamilton, but also the understudy.


	16. Unusually Quiet - Part 2

**October 25, 2016**

Lin woke up the next morning and attempted to swallow, his mouth just feeling like sandpaper instead. It really hurt and so he whimpered, the action causing his throat to constrict and spasm at random. Sitting up as fast as he could to prevent choking, Lin suddenly felt cold without the blankets on his shoulders. Coughing and hacking, Lin didn’t register that the action would wake Tommy and Alex, but he did feel a soft hand rubbing circles around the center of his back.

Once he could kind of breathe again, Lin flopped backwards against his pillow and moaned. Tommy reached out and tapped a soft finger over his lips, reminding him silently to not make any noise with his already damaged vocal chords. That had happened all day yesterday and it really drove him insane. He guessed it would be happening again today too.

Thoroughly pissed off, and it was only eight thirty in the morning, Lin pulled his pillow out from underneath his head and smashed his face into it. His long black hair ended up in his mouth through that action, causing him to gag with the feeling, which then launched him into a series of uncontrollable coughs again.

“I’m gonna go run a bath, yeah? That’ll make everything feel better honey,” Tommy said, hauling himself out of bed to go get some warm water and steam into Lin’s head. But he didn’t want a bath, he didn’t want Tommy to leave. He just really wanted cuddles. He had wanted Alex yesterday, but he understood that he had to be at the theatre. Now he wanted Tommy, but he had just walked away and he couldn’t say a damn thing to get him to come back faster. Instead, he just crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

“I know you don’t like baths,” Alex said quietly, “but this will make you feel better. And the sooner we fix up your voice, the sooner you can go be Hamilton again.” Lin wanted to ask Alex how Javier had done last night, but his sign language skills were failing him and just ended up flailing his arms around before giving up and returning to laying under his pillow pouting and sulking.

The next thing he saw was Alex’s face as he pulled the pillow away from Lin’s face. Frowning and desperately trying to hold back tears at with his own frustration, he rolled away from Alex to face the other wall. He didn’t want to shower let alone bathe. It was a terrible experience when he could speak and didn’t feel like absolute shit, now it was all just compounded and was the last thing on the planet he wanted to do.

“Lin, please at least write down what’s making you upset. I know this will be frustrating without being able to talk, but we can still communicate,” Alex reasoned, handing over the notepad Lin kept on the bedside table and a pen. He frowned but eventually took it from Alex and started to write.

_I just want to be able to talk. It's so frustrating. Is this what babies feel like?_ Lin said, passing the paper over to Alex without rolling back over to face him. He could hear his snort a laugh before placing a kiss on his bare shoulder.

“I know you want to be able to talk again. But you know what the doctor said, if you talk now and don’t let yourself heal, your voice may not be the same again,” Alex said, rubbing his hand up and down Lin’s arm. Lin snatched the paper from Alex.

_I don’t want to have a bath_ he said to Alex via the paper.

“I figured. But what if you wear your boxers and a shirt in the bath. We’re just trying to steam your head and get some moisture into your lungs,” Alex suggested once he read the paper. Lin shrugged. It was better than nothing. Then, it would be over and he could crawl back into bed and sleep. Then one clear thought pierced his brain, making him cry out.

The sound he squeaked out triggered another coughing fit and once he was done, snatched the notepad from Alex and frantically wrote, _DISNEY PROJECT_ before underlining it a ton of times.

“How about this, while you’re in the bath, I’ll phone them and explain what's going on. I’m sure they’ll understand. I know you can’t write just music without humming or doing lyrics at the same time,” Alex said and Lin smiled before mouthing thank you.

 

In the bath, Lin pouted and frowned as Tommy placed a hot washcloth on his forehead. Sure it felt nice, but he couldn’t say that and he was just too annoyed with the whole situation in general to want to every try to enjoy the bath.

“Your mom said she’d be over before ten, and she’ll look after you today,” Tommy reported. That made him flail in the slippery tub to get to sitting.

“You phoned her?” Lin said, not caring if he really didn't make any noise. It at least conveyed his frustration more than using his soaking wet hands to write something on paper. But, by rasping out those three words, he catapulted himself into another coughing fit.

Once he could breathe normally again, Tommy replied, “Yeah, I phoned her. I need to get back to the theatre and Alex needs to be in the pit. You’ll be fine.” He seriously doubted that but instead of saying anything, he just leaned back against the tub, crossed his arms and pouted.

“I shared the ground rules with her too. So don’t try to puppy-dog-eyes your way into coffee,” Tommy added. Which just made him even more mad. Yeah, he understood why he was not allowed to drink caffeine, it would mess with the meds, prevent him from sleeping, and dehydrate him. But dammit he needed coffee. Sure, Tommy’s ground rules made sense. Don’t talk, sleep as much as you need, no playing the piano or listening to music (because heaven knows he loved to hum while doing either) and no phoning. Pretty simple rules in theory. But in practice, Lin got so frustrated by them yesterday that he gave up and went to sleep instead.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm merging two stories into one here because I highly doubt I'll actually finish this one. So I'll just do this instead


	17. They Laughed At Me

**2009**

“You’ve were really quiet the whole ride,” Alex said once he, Lin and the parental Miranda's’ stepped into the elevator of the decent-ish hotel they had rented rooms at for the past two nights.

“‘M fine,” Lin muttered, dragging his hand through his Usnavi-short hair. He obviously wasn’t fine, but Alex wasn’t going to bring that up yet. Lin was worked up about something, and it likely had to do with his performance, which had gone absolutely amazingly if Alex had anything to say about it. Thankfully neither of Lin’s parents said anything on the topic.

The whole thing had been really last minute. It was the middle of last week when there had been a call at the Rodgers from some lady at the White House, asking to speak with Lin. At the time, he had been running some lyrics with Javier, but Jason had called him away. Turns out, a spot had opened up at the White House’s evening for poetry and the spoken word. Lin had walked back into the theatre, right past Javier in a daze of sorts and pulled Alex and Tommy aside into an empty hallway and told them the news. The White House wanted him to perform something from In The Heights at their evening.

Exactly six days later, he and Alex were on a plane to Washington D.C. with a song that Lin had just started working on in hand. Sure, the crowd was a little sceptical of the song at first, but Alex had heard it numerous times before in their apartment at all hours of the day, so he had faith. Lin got a standing ovation for the song that he had wrote on the plane on their way back from Florida. “Alexander Hamilton,” he had called the song, and they joked about the likeness of their names. Alex and Alex. Lin thought it was hilarious. Luis Miranda, even more so.

When the four of them stepped out of the elevator on their floor, Luis and Luz bid them good night before going a few steps down the hall to their room. Alex unlocked the door and let them both into their room. Once inside, the first thing Lin asked was, “can I phone Tommy?” Alex knew Lin and Tommy had a special relationship. But it never once made Alex jealous. He was loved and he loved and so what if Tommy was able to provide Lin that little extra blanket of comfort that Alex just couldn’t do. It truly didn’t bother him.

“You don’t have to ask for permission honey,” Alex said, leaning in and planting a kiss on Lin’s cheek before adding, “I’m gonna go shower if you need me.”

“Thanks Alex,” Lin replied in a soft, almost weak voice, before heading over to the desk that he had partially taken over and picked the phone off its hook.

True to his word, Alex headed for the shower. It was tiny, barely big enough for one pint sized man like himself, but the water was warm, the soap did its job and the steam helped his take a load off. Playing the piano at the White House was nerve wracking stuff. Sure, it was just like performing anywhere else, but this had much much higher stakes. This was the president of the United States of America that he just got to play his music for.

* * *

Lin dialed Tommy’s number by heart and waited only two cycles of the ring before he got to hear his other boyfriend’s voice.

“Tommy,” Lin said, breathing it out just like all the tension he had been holding all night.

“Lin honey,” Tommy replied, his voice softening, “how did it go?”

“They laughed at me,” Lin said before feeling the dams behind his eyes break and the tears and pent up stress, anxiety and panic of the night that he had packed away all spring to the foreground of his mind. He tried to keep the thoughts inside, just focus on talking to Tommy, have a nice, normal conversation.

He got about two stuttered sentences in before his brain finally gave up and he felt his breathing skyrocket. Lin found himself sitting on the floor beside the crappy hotel bed, his mind racing about the whole evening. Walking up to the White House, barely able to feel his legs or the hand that Alex held in his. Standing up on the stage before all the people showed up doing a sound check, feeling like he was about to throw up. Alex telling him to sing the beginning of In The Heights that he knew so well instead of the Hamilton song. Going to sit at the back of the room next to his mom, her fingers carding through his short hair, her presence calming.

Then the performance. Lin felt scared shitless. He had never felt the same type of fear in his life. The President wanted In The Heights. Hamilton wasn’t Heights. He would get in trouble. They would hate him. Everyone would be mad at him. The laughter. It echoed in his head. He was silently proud of how he handled it, giving a quirky anecdote explaining his reasoning. But the sounds bounced around his head, tormenting his subconscious. Laughter was good when something was meant to be funny. Laughter when something was a serious idea, that meant they didn’t like it. Eventually, the concrete thoughts started to disintegrate and his brain felt like it was running in laps inside his skull while screaming.

He wasn’t entirely sure how long it went on before he heard Tommy request for him to, “go find Alex honey.” Lin then felt his feet moving, though he wasn’t sure if it was because his brain had directed him to do it or if he was just used to listening to Tommy’s requests while mid-panic.

* * *

Tommy wished Lin would remember to take his Prozac before doing something like perform at the fucking White House. He couldn’t care less if Lin didn’t have any before going on stage, before sleep, or before getting to work, but before singing to the President of the United States...he should have taken his meds. Well, he had no actual evidence of the meds or lack thereof, but Lin typically couldn’t get himself this worked up if he was on them.

After minutes of trying to get through to him, Tommy finally stopped before saying, “go find Alex honey,” in the strictest voice he could manage. When he heard the shuffling of a bed sheet followed by Lin muttering, “go find Alex,” over and over again, he knew he had gotten through.

He heard the sound of a door click followed by the muffled sound of Alex saying, “hey, woah Lin, you okay there?” The sound of water stopped immediately and soon he heard Alex’s voice over the phone.

“Tommy, you still there?” Alex asked.

“Yeah honey,” Tommy replied, feeling the coil of fear in his gut untangle a little, knowing Lin wasn’t alone and wouldn’t do something stupid or hyperventilate until he passed out. “Hows Lin faring?”

“He’s sitting on the counter, I’m looking for his Prozac. Should be in the shaving kit, right?” Alex asked and Tommy could hear the sounds of pill bottles jostling around in the background.

“Yeah, red bottle,” Tommy said. Lin always kept his Prozac in something red, easy to find. Even if the bottle it originally came in was white, into the red bottle it would go.

“Here we go,” Alex said before he seemed to have set the phone down on the counter. In the background, he could hear the muffled sounds of Alex trying to convince Lin to take his meds.

Tommy remembered back in University when he had finally convinced Lin to go to the doctor and ask them about all the panic attacks he kept having. Not only was it not healthy, but it would be happening more than once a day and would cause him to hide under his bed or lock himself into his room. Then, when he finally got the meds, it was a constant fight to get him to actually take them.

* * *

Alex loved the feeling his back made when he laid down on a bed after a long day of not getting any rest. The only thing he thought he liked more was the feeling of one of his loves curled up into his side. However, both would have been preferable, but one was pretty darn good. A year and a half ago, he never would have thought he would have gotten even that. Lin was curled up into Alex’s side, his head was resting on Alex’s chest, his breathing finally slow and normal. In Alex’s lap was Lin’s laptop, operating Skype with Tommy on the screen. Tommy was propped up in their bed, laptop obviously on his own lap. Thankfully there was no time change between New York and Washington, so none of then would be losing any insane amounts of sleep that night.

“Were they laughing at you or at your idea?” Tommy finally asked. Alex felt Lin shift. He wiped his nose on the back of his hand before seeming to start thinking about the question. Because they sure seemed to be laughing at him, Alex thought, but not something he decided to share. It would likely not help the cause.

“Same thing isn’t it?” Lin finally answered.

“Nope,” Tommy replied, “did they think that it was funny that you were going to rap about Hamilton or something you did?”

Lin shifted again, “Hamilton.”

“See, they weren’t laughing at you, they don’t hate you, the president doesn’t hate you. I promise,” Tommy suggested.

“I guess so.”

* * *

“What’s your name man?!” Leslie shouted from center stage before leaping aside. Lin swallowed the lump that was threatening to surface. He stepped into the spotlight.

“Alexander Hamilton,” Lin sung as he took center stage, his long black hair tied up at the back of his head, adorned in his entirely white outfit, black boots shining in the light of the Richard Rodgers stage. And as he sung those simple syllables, the crowd lost their minds, screaming and clapping. For Alexander Hamilton. For him.


	18. Unusually Quiet - Part 3

**October 25, 2016**

Tommy sat on the edge of the tub until the water cooled down too much to be comfortable, before helping Lin climb out of the water, get out of his soaked shirt and boxers. He watched Lin struggle to pull the wet clothes off his frame for about five seconds before reaching out and peeling the shirt off.

He mentally thanked Alex for grabbing a change of clothes so their boyfriend wouldn’t have to be naked for longer than necessary. Pulling on the black shirt that said “Mr. Write” on it over top of Lin’s mostly dry bunned up hair, he felt the man start leaning into him. Tommy loved when Lin was cuddly. But this was literally the opposite of the most opportune time for him to want cuddles. Not only was he standing in the washroom with soaked boxers and no pants, but the poor man was sick out of his mind.

“Come on Lin,” Tommy said, trying to get him to stand up with his weight on his own feet, “We gotta get these off you before you get chilled.”

Lin opened his mouth and let out a pitiful whine. Tommy tapped his finger on Lin’s lips to remind him to be quiet. Once he felt Lin take all of his own weight again, he quickly striped off his boxers, dried his legs, and put on the fresh pair.

Wrapping him in the warm and fuzzy blue house coat he loved, Tommy led Lin out of the washroom, through their bedroom and to the kitchen. Alex had made some porridge – which the doctor said would be good for his throat as it would coat it and take away some of the pain.

Tommy temporarily turned around before he heard Alex laugh a little. Spinning back to face them, it seemed as if the bath had given Lin some energy. Alex held up a piece of paper, which had Lin’s scratchy handwriting on it.

 _Goldilocks and the three bears_ , was what Lin had said. Tommy smiled and leaned over to plant a kiss on Lin’s forehead. It felt a little warm to the touch, but not as bad as yesterday. At least it seemed like the antibiotics from the doctor were working.

Then, Lin made grabby hands for the pad of paper and pencil that was on the counter. Taking it and scribbling down whatever had come to mind, Tommy knew that if he had access to his voice, Lin would probably either singing his thoughts as a rap, or talking excitedly.

 _We’re truly the senses trifecta. Alex can’t hear and I can’t talk. Now we need to steal something from you._ Lin handed the piece of paper over with a mischievous look Tommy’s way. Alex just snorted before starting to dish out the porridge.

 

Luz arrived at exactly nine forty five that morning, fifteen minutes before Tommy and Alex were going to leave for the Rodgers. She not only had her usual shoulder sack – Tommy refused to call it a purse, a purse implied small and that thing was not small – and another bag which smelled of some kind of delicious latin food. He wasn’t able to narrow down the food to any particular kind, but he recognized the general smell from last New Years at the Miranda residence.

Tommy greeted Luz and gently reminded her that her son wasn’t allowed to speak before he was pushed away by Lin who seemed to just want an insane amount of physical attention today. He got a hug from his mother before she asked Tommy, “where are your lunch boxes?”

“The ones we bring to work?” Tommy asked for clarification. When she nodded, he went to the kitchen to pull out a few lunch containers. The three of them rarely brought lunch or supper to the theatre, opting to go to one of the takeout places near the theatre.

“Would you boys like some tostones, alcapurrias and empanadillas for lunch and supper?” Luz asked, already dishing some of her loot into the boxes, not waiting for an answer.

“Oh yes please,” Tommy said before adding, “Luz, you spoil us.”

“I know I do. You take such good care of my baby, I get to spoil you now and then,” Luz said when they heard a crash followed by slurred swearing from the direction of the bedroom. They all whipped their heads in that direction.

“Lemme go check on Alex,” Tommy said before moving in that direction to investigate what Alex was breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this for a friend who is currently dealing with laryngitis. He liked these and said that I should do more with Chapter 15 from Rights To Our Hearts. Since he is sick, I decided to do it and enjoyed it, so posted it.


	19. Sea Horse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor TW for eating disorder. Mentioned only twice - stay safe people <3

**2016**

Tommy wanted to bash his head into the wall in the crossover. Nothing was working how it was supposed to. He was contacted during the pre-show check of all the mechanics in the theatre to be told that somehow the turntable had gotten jammed. There wasn’t really much that he, _specifically_ , could do. He was the director, sure, but not a mechanic. The only thing he could do would be to talk to the cast and remind them how to do the show using the alternate layouts for the numbers that use the turntable in the case that it doesn’t get fixed in time for the show that night.

Then they couldn’t find the box of books. Not a huge deal either, but for a considerable number of the scenes, they needed those dumb books. But where on earth had they gone overnight? They literally could not have gone anywhere since the show last night.

And on top of all that, Alex had a cold and he had found Lin’s lunch un-touched in the fridge long after noon. He would make sure that Lin ate dinner tonight, but it still nagged at the corner of his head, the fact that Lin was slipping back into his old tendencies.

It was just one thing after another and with only an hour and a half left to curtain, he was starting to get worried. Figuring there was nothing left that he could do, with Andy and Jason on the hunt for the books and the stage repair crew doing their job, he headed backstage to see where his boyfriends were. He easily pinpointed where Alex was, the sounds of the musicians in the pit playing their playoff medley. Deciding to leave Alex alone with his musicians, he headed off to find Lin.

Which proved to be rather easy. He could hear Lin’s voice, still scratchy from his recent fight with laryngitis, rapping from the direction of the common room. Smiling and shaking his head to himself, he wound his way through the tight corridors of the theatre before emerging into the common room. Most of the cast was sitting in the room, some on the couch, the floor or the beanbag chairs scattered around the exterior wall. The Big Bang Theory was playing from the TV on the wall beside the fridge and it looked like Jon had brought out his collection of DS’s which had been shared around.

In the middle of the room, he spotted Lin at the table with Pippa, Jas and Renee crowded around him. The three girls nor his boyfriend noticed his entrance and they continued doing whatever they were doing, Lin rapping along. The three girls were sitting at the table, in chairs, like normal people and Lin had his knees on the seat cushion, feet hanging over the back rest, elbows balanced on the table. He really looked goofy and Tommy just stood there, observing the scene.

Finally, Seth, from his orange beanbag, shouted, “Yo Lin, your boyfriend’s staring at your ass!” Tommy shot a glare at Seth that held no real maliciousness to it. He knew Seth was just joking around.

“Was not,” Tommy said faking innocence. He truly wasn’t – okay?

“Sure,” Chris said, wandering into the room, a mug of coffee in his hand. Tommy stuck out his tongue at Chris before watching Lin turn around with a big grin on his face.

“Tommy!” Lin said, climbing off his chair perch and bouncing over to Tommy, his feet together, looking rather like a human kangaroo.

“What are you doing Lin?” Tommy asked, trying hard not to laugh as Lin almost tripped himself.

“Coloring,” Lin replied, taking Tommy’s hand and dragging him towards the table – thankfully not hoping around this time. And while Lin’s reply didn’t really answer Tommy’s question, he followed along anyways. Sometimes, it was better to just not ask.

“What are you coloring?” Tommy asked as they took the three steps needed to reach the table. On it, he could see two of those adult coloring books that Renee was always working at. She claimed that they helped relieve stress. Maybe he should take up coloring again.

“A horse,” Lin replied, grabbing the book and handing it over to Tommy. And Tommy almost burst out laughing again.

“Its blue,” he pointed out. Sure enough, Lin had decided that it would be fun to color said horse various shades of blue. It didn’t look bad, he managed to stay within the lines and do even a little shading...but why blue?!

“It's a seahorse,” Lin said before busting out into his characteristic, “BAHAHAHA,” scream laugh, obviously finding his little joke totally hilarious.

“Mhmm,” Tommy said, cracking a grin before handing the book back to Lin, who placed it on the table, climbed back into his original position and took out yet another blue pencil. Tommy smiled and shook his head.

“Ate his lunch. The girls ate with him,” Chris said quietly from behind him, low and close enough that there would be no way for Lin to hear it. Remembering finding Lin’s lunch in the fridge, he turned to Chris and mouthed “thank you,” before turning to watch the blue horse continued to be colored.

Maybe today would be an okay day after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah....I'm not totally sure what happened here. The idea came when I was hanging out with my cousins and one of them colored a horse blue in a kids coloring book. Not sure how we got here though. 
> 
> Any suggestions for goofy things for this trio? Send em over!


	20. Unusually Quiet - Part 4

**October 25, 2016**

When Alex was done showering, since he hadn’t done so the night before, he dried off his ears and turned to the pad that would charge his hearing aids. And saw it empty. Scowling and muttering expletives to himself, he stomped over to the night table on his side of the bed and picked the two black pieces off the top. Glaring at them, he noticed that the battery life was quite diminished so he brought them back to the washroom to charge as much as they could before it was time to go.

Then he picked up his pants to put them on and that was really when everything went to hell in a hand-basket. Because the way he had taken them off last night had somehow knotted up the bottom of one leg and turned the other completely inside out. But instead of taking the extra seven seconds to turn them right side in, Alex decided to just...ram his foot into the pant leg until it did what he wanted.

He needed to burn off a little steam anyways.

But that knocked him off balance, his head suddenly toppling towards the night table. So he reached his hand out to prevent a collision. Which worked, but also knocked Lin’s pile of books, an empty plastic cup and a jar of pens onto the floor.

“Oh for god's sakes,” Alex spit out, pulling his foot back out of the tangled pant leg and throwing it on the ground to angrily glare at them before yelling, “you fucking piece of shit pants!”

Once he got that out-burst out of his system, Alex decided to abandon putting his pants on for the moment to pick all the stuff that belonged on the night table.

Then he felt a warm tap on his shoulder. Standing and turning to face Tommy, Alex smiled sheepishly. His voice and swearing had likely carried quite far in their small apartment.

“Alex, are you okay?” Alex watched Tommy ask, “I don’t need two broken boyfriends.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me,” Alex said, picking his pants off the floor and untangling them by hand, “in the whole ordeal yesterday, I forgot to charge my hearing aids, gonna have to bring the pad to the theatre.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Tommy said, leaning forward, pressing their lips together in a sweet kiss, “Luz is here with Lin in the kitchen. Almost time for us to head out.”

“Just lemme get dressed,” Alex said, stepping into his pants, doing up the button and fly.

 

“How's he holding up?” Chris asked Alex later that day. Andy and Tommy were running through My Shot on stage with Javi and the rest of the cast, leaving Alex and Chris alone in the audience chairs, watching it all go down.

“Lin?” Alex asked, clarifying. When Chris nodded, he continued, “okay, I guess. His mom’s going to stay with us, help nurse him back to health.”

“And the whole no talking, no singing, no coffee thing?” Chris asked.

“Too doped up on meds to really start noticing yet,” Alex replied, thinking about just how out of it he was this morning. Just went with the flow, aside from the whole bath debacle. And even that went more smoothly than usual.

“Anything you guys need? I’m sure Veronica wouldn’t mind popping over to give momma Miranda a break,” Chris said, leaning farther back in his audience chair, tucking one ankle up under the other knee.

“I can ask Luz, but I’m sure she’ll enjoy every minute she gets to spend time with her son uninterrupted,” Alex said and Chris hummed, acknowledging the accuracy of the statement. They sat in relative silence for a couple more seconds, just watching Tommy and Andy lead the actors on the stage.

“You told the cast he’d be off Hamilton for a week,” Chris started, obviously choosing his tone carefully, “that true?”

“Kinda,” Alex said, “See, the antibiotics are a weeks worth, essentially. By the end of the week, he should be able to use his voice again and swallow without pain, etcetera. But he won’t and shouldn’t sing for three hours every night for at least another week after that.”

“Gonna be fun convincing him not to,” Chris said, joking rocking in his seat and bumping into Alex’s arm.

“Yeah, I know.”


	21. To Raise a Child - Part 1

**2017**

They were sitting on their bed, watching some TV before turning the lights off for the night. Tommy on one outside, reading whichever Stephen King he had found at the bookstore recently, Lin on the other outside, humming quietly to himself, obviously mulling over a set of lyrics or chords for a song. Alex was sitting in the middle, a magazine propped up in his lap, but he wasn’t really reading anything – just staring at it as a decoy for his thoughts.

They had spent the whole day at the Miranda residence where all of Lin’s relatives had gathered. Which included nieces and nephews. Watching and playing with all the tiny toddlers and older kids made the shallow ache that Alex had always had start to surface.

He’d known from a young age that he wasn’t like the other boys. Liked boys just as much as he liked girls – bisexual they called it now, though that word wasn’t so well-known when he was young. But, regardless of the person who caught his fancy, he had always wanted to have kids. Had always wanted to raise a small handful of them. But when he had started dating Lin and Tommy, he realized it likely wouldn’t be able to happen, so he ignored it. Those nieces and nephews, he had enjoyed playing peek-a-boo just as much as he had enjoyed playing football and having his hair pulled in all sorts of different directions by pink flowery clips. It was wonderful.

Finally, Alex just swallowed down the coil of apprehension in his throat before saying, “have either of you ever thought about having kids?”

He watched as Tommy slowly put his book down on his lap, suddenly stiff in the bed, staring straight ahead while Lin had stopped humming, tucked his legs up underneath him and twisted, stealing a good chunk of the blankets. He felt like he was under deep scrutiny and wondered briefly if it wasn’t something that he should have brought up.

“Yeah,” Lin was the first to reply, “kinda always wanted them. But I’m pretty sure there is not a single vagina in this bed.”

“There are ways around that,” Alex replied softly, still slightly nervous that Tommy had yet to say anything.

“Was this because of the mini Mirandas today?” Lin asked, leaning forward, his elbows on his crossed knees, his signature smile gracing his features.

“Yeah,” Alex admitted, “it was fun having them crawl all over me, play with them, impart some knowledge on them.”

“A child is a full time commitment,” Tommy said, his voice emotionless and hollow.

“True. But with three of us, it’ll be able to work a little easier,” Alex replied.

“I mean, Hamilton is over now, Mary Poppins is filmed, His Dark Materials is filmed and all the work I’m doing on Little Mermaid, In The Heights and Fosse/Verdon can be done either from home or from a New York Studio. I can be a full time dad,” Lin argued as fast as his mouth seemed to be able to move.

“We don’t have much on our plates either. There's really not a better time to do this,” Alex added on, pleased that him and Lin seemed to be on the same boat. They sat in silence for a little before Lin raised himself up off his knees and crawled over the bed – carefully over his and Tommy’s legs – before dropping himself down beside Tommy, causing him to have to scooch closer to the middle to prevent Lin from falling on the floor.

“Are you nervous because of your parents?” Lin asked quietly and considerately, his mood completely changed. _Right_. Alex forgot about that. Well, not so much forgotten as didn’t realize that it would affect this.

“They say that the abused abuse,” Tommy finally said quietly, his voice no more than a whisper.

“But you’re not your parents,” Lin replied, “besides, you have never once been mean to a child nor have ever exhibited any of the same manipulative or destructive traits that they did.”

“I _know_  that. I _KNOW_ ,” Tommy said hiding his face in his hands and curling in on himself, “People have been telling me that for _years_. I’ve been seeing people about this for _years_. But now that it may _actually_ be happening, _I’m terrified_. I want kids but I can’t shake this feeling that _something is going to go wrong_.”

“How about this, next time you go to see Dr. Fraser, we come with you and we’ll see if she can help come up with some new strategies?” Alex suggested. He knew that Tommy had a decent relationship with Dr. Fraser and if they could help him through this, that would be even better.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt,” Tommy replied, his voice a little stronger, though he was still hiding in his hands.

* * *

“I understand that you are looking to foster a younger child first before potentially adopting them, correct?” the adoption agent said, “there are tons of young teens and older toddlers within the system that are in need of a stable household such as your own.”

 

They were sitting across the table from Danny Hertz, the agent at Graham Windham. Lin smiled and laughed every time he told someone what agency they were working through. When they asked why he was laughing, Lin would explain with much glee that that was the remains of the orphanage that Eliza Hamilton founded way back when. Alex had to agree, it was rather fitting.

“Correct," Tommy said. In the months that they had been building up to this date, they had gone to see Dr. Fraser six times and now it seemed like Tommy was the most excited of them all.  Alex knew that chosing to make some of the visits group ones had helped enormously.  

“We have a file here for a four year old boy by the name of Sebastian," Danny said, passing over the file, "and in the sake of full disclosure, he is developmentally gifted though is incredibly quiet.  Upon his last return to into the system, he was also diagnosed with PTSD."

Lin grabbed it first and flipped it open to the first page while Alex sat still in unbelieving shock.  Four years old and carrying enough trauma to get a diagnosis.  They would have to be careful with this one.

“Thats unfortunate, but he’s so cute!” Lin said, completely derailing the serious note Danny had going on, shoving the picture into Tommy’s face before Alex’s. And yeah, the kid was hecking cute. He seemed to be at least half latino, though his eyes were bright blue, just like Tommy’s. Next to the three of them, he would honestly look like he could be any of theirs.

“PTSD is okay,” Tommy said before adding, "I have a similar diagnosis."  Alex's heart swelled at the fact that Tommy had shared such a large piece of himself with someone.  

“There is one more caveat,” Danny added, his gaze projecting a nervous look, as if this last fact had turned away other potential families, “His mother is about to give birth to another child and wants her kids to stay together. Would you be willing to take the older one, then add the other to your family when they are born?”

Alex’s heart leapt into his throat. On one hand, he would love to have two children. The more the merrier. He knew he would take them both in a heartbeat. But on the other hand, they had discussed one child all this time. Would this be the tipping point? Would this turn Tommy off the scent or send them along to another child? It seemed like Lin had already become quite attached to the four year old, yet there would be no way that the three of them could possibly go against the mothers’ wishes. Regardless of how unfit to care for them she may be, she was their mother.

“I understand that this is likely quite a difficult decision for you at this moment, I can give you some time to discuss it, if you’d like?” Danny said, already sliding his chair back from his desk, ready to leave the room.

“Yes please, if you don’t mind,” Tommy said and Alex felt his heart drop. Was Tommy getting cold feet? Or did two simply seem like too much? Once the door closed, Tommy took the picture from Lin, forcing his attention back to the present.

“We are financially capable of raising these two,” Tommy started by saying, “but do we have the time to raise a four year old with PTSD and a newborn? It's a lot of responsibility all at once. We’ve never done this before.”

“Look at it this way, we get to raise siblings. This is going to be as close as we will get to having our own. Are we going to throw away this shot?” Alex reasoned.

“ _I’m not throwin’ away my shot, I’m not throwin’ away my shot_ ,” Lin started chanting from between them before adding, “I think this is a pretty awesome opportunity. Besides, when’s the next time you’re going to get the chance to adopt siblings this young and actually be able to make a difference for them?”

* * *

“We’ll do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, lots to cover here.  
> a) I don't really know much about how the USA adoption/foster care system, so take that with a grain of salt  
> b) I wasn't originally planning on including Sebastian and Francisco, but one of my friends convinced me that it would be a cute idea  
> c) There is absolutely NOWHERE that ever stated that Tommy's parent's were abusive. This is me creating conflict and perhaps a little projection of thoughts upon a character  
> d) I'm imagining that the boys are coming from Vanessa and maybe she'll come into play later, maybe not, I truly haven't decided yet.  
> e) Yes, the Graham Windham Foundation is the remains of the Hamilton Orphanage.


	22. To Raise a Child - Part 2

**2017**

Tommy smiled as he tucked the green bedding sheets down the side of the toddler bed that Lin’s sister had given them. It was in the left hand corner of the room, within view of the window that looked out over the Washington Bridge. In the right hand corner was the crib for the baby, who was only about two months from arriving. And yet, as he was making his son’s bed for the first time, he couldn’t help but be slightly nervous.

They had only ever seen pictures of their first child - Sebastian - but Tommy knew that he would do anything for him. Yet, there was the worry that between the three of them, they’d somehow manage to screw it up. When they’d send him to kindergarten in the fall, he’d be around people who’d know them, specifically Lin. How could they keep him safe from the media, the attention? Their kids had never asked to be part of this, they had no choice at all, what if their plan wouldn’t keep them out of the limelight for long enough?

Tommy tried to keep those thoughts out of his head for a little longer as he stepped back and looked at the room that they had set up over the past week that they had finalized their two adoptions. There were a few stuffed animals, some hand-me-down clothes in all different sizes and some old toys from various sources, but mainly Lin’s family again. They had no idea what Sebastian would have with him, how big he would be or what he liked. They had to be ready for anything.

* * *

Alex almost dropped his phone for the third time that morning as he was mid vacuuming. It was a lot harder to try to talk on the phone while trying to do any kind of chores than they made it look in movies.

“Have you met the mother of the kids yet?” Alex’s own mother asked through the phone line, over the noise of the vacuum.

“Not yet,” Alex confessed. Sure, they had talked about it and as much as they wanted to meet the mother of their kids, they honestly weren’t sure if that would be a good idea, considering how famous the three of them had become in the recent past.

“Huh,” his mother replied and for once, Alex couldn’t get a read on whether or not that was a good noise. “Well, when is your second due?”

“Early March,” Alex replied, wedging the phone between his ear and shoulder to pick up the stack of music beside the piano to vacuum around it.

“Your father and I were planning on coming to visit you three sometime soon, maybe stay for a little to help you with your little ones,” his mother replied. Alex smiled. He’d love to see his mom and dad again soon. It had been too long since they’d seen each other in person.

“Sure, yeah. I mean, we have Luis and Luz who have been helping a ton, but I’m sure our little ones would like to meet their other set of grandparents,” Alex replied.

“Has Tommy contacted his parents? Do they know?” his mom asked. Alex wanted to scold his mother again. She knew that Tommy had had a rough go coming out to his parents, she knew that they didn’t think that the three of them were dating, just living together.

“No they don’t know,” Alex said, taking his phone away from his shoulder and adjusting, moving onto the next location in the living room.

“Well, your father and I will plan to come for a visit soon, to give you boys a little bit of a break,” his mother said.

“Thanks,” Alex said before bidding her goodbye. Their first child would be coming with Danny momentarily and he did really want to get their apartment all the way clean. He said back and wondered how long it would take Lin to get back from walking Tobi. Needed Tobi to be calm when their kid came.

* * *

Lin unlocked their apartment door and let Tobi run inside. Hopefully their slightly extended walk around the Heights was enough to get the goofies out of their pooch. The last thing he wanted was for Tobi to act like a spaz when Danny came to drop off Sebastian.

“Hey honey,” Lin said, hanging the leash off its hook before heading behind Alex to kiss the back of his neck. Snuffling against Alex’s collar line and wrapping his arms around his torso, Lin relished in a little bit of PDA before they had an extra set of eyes on them.

“Did Tobi get good and exercised?” Alex asked with a laugh before turning towards where Tobi was rolling around on the floor, “did you give Papi a good walk?”

“Had a good drag,” Lin said, tucking his cold nose back into Alex’s neck. They stayed like that, cuddled at the sink for a few more moments before there was the sound of the doorbell ringing.

“That must be them,” Lin said, pulling away from Alex and smoothing down the front of his shirt. Grabbing Alex’s hand, he whispered, “we’re gonna be parents!”

Opening the door, Lin couldn’t believe what he saw in front of him. Sure Danny was there, holding a black plastic bag in one hand, but Lin was looking at the little boy hiding behind the social workers’ legs. He was even cuter than the pictures. Through his legs, Lin could see the boy’s slightly tinted skin and his bright blue eyes, looking more tired than the eyes of a child should.

"Hey Danny," Alex said, shaking the mans hand before letting Lin have a turn, followed by Tommy, who had appeared as if almost by magic from the other room.

"Hiya Sebastian," Lin said, going down to his knees, looking at the terrified child, "My names' Lin.  Wanna come bring your bag inside?"  From behind Danny’s legs, their son shook his head no and seemed to shrink even more, tucking his face into the stuffed tiger he was holding.

“Come on Sebastian, let's go meet your new family,” Danny said, ushering the little boy inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why didn't I say that their first kid's name was gonna be Sebastian before this?! Dumb dumb me. Hope you like!
> 
> *edit, added the names in sooner


	23. To Raise a Child - Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that these are supposed to be one shots and everything, but ideas for the little ones just keep coming now that I've started.

**2017**

Sebastian had been living with them for about three days before he finally started talking. Sure, he would nod yes or no and quietly babble to himself while playing with his new toys and he had muttered puppy a few times whenever Tobi ran past him, but never names and never full sentences. He seemed more content to sit on the floor, the couch or on the mat in his room and play with his toys, tiny body snuggled up close to Tobi, who had taken a liking to the tiniest member of their family.

Today, Sebastian had brought his blanket, one that seemed to be of great value to him, and two toys, one in each hand, out to the living room that morning before breakfast. Alex was cooking pancakes in the kitchen, Tommy was sitting on the couch, reading, while Lin took a seat at the piano, playing some chords, trying to get the rhythm that had been in his head all night onto paper.

He wasn’t playing for long when he felt a small pair of hands pressing against his thigh. Sebastian had been playing with a Transformer robot and Paw Patrol dog on the floor behind him, making noises and sound effects just seconds ago. He hadn’t heard him stop.

“Win?” Sebastian said quietly, his head cocking to the side just slightly, like Tobi did when she wanted something. Lin had never heard Sebastian say a word that completely before, and he wondered what he wanted. ‘Win’ wasn’t exactly a statement on its own, his big blue eyes and cute baby face stared up at him and Lin felt his heart leap. It was a word, the first one he had heard to be directed towards him.

“Yeah Sebastian?” Lin replied, watching as Sebastian shied away from the attention, ducking his head, eye contact lost. He wouldn’t press the issue, the poor kid was obviously dreadfully shy and nervous. Instead he took his Paw Patrol dog and set it on Lin’s leg, making it hop around like a kangaroo on drugs.

“Can you ask Awex to put bwuebewwies on my pancake. Pwease?” Sebastian said, the plastic dog stopping its movement and Sebastian's grip on it tightened so much that his tiny knuckles almost turned white. Regardless of how quietly the request was or how adorable his tiny little lisp made the words, Lin wanted to hug his son. He had a) asked for something (which Danny said was one of the best things, because it meant that the kid was warming up to you) and b) had said more than a word at a time.

Turning around on the piano bench to face Tommy, he saw that he was smiling, book set aside on the couch, now completely engaged in watching their interaction. Standing from the piano bench, Lin said to Sebastian, “why don’t we go look in the fridge and see if Alex bought any at the store.”

“M’kay,” Sebastian mumbled, returning to his previous semi-non-verbal state, as if that singular sentence wore him out. But still, he followed Lin into the kitchen, plastic dog tucked safely against his chest. Lin caught Alex smiling at the interaction, his front to the pancake grill, but looking over his shoulder to observe.

They hadn’t pushed Sebastian these past few days. If he wanted to eat, he could eat. If he wanted to sleep, he could sleep. If he wanted to play, he could play. They hadn’t invited any friends or family over yet, explained to everyone that they wanted to get him settled first before adding any more people into the picture. They had brought him to the local park once, but he hadn’t wanted to play with the other kids and instead sat in the sand at Lin and Tommy’s feet, playing with the small dump truck toy he had brought along. Lin had wanted to ask Danny if Sebastian had been left behind in a public place before, but forgot about it the last time he came to check up on them. Instead, they decided that going to the park could wait until Sebastian had been with them a little longer, trusted them a little more.

Lin pulled a stool from the island over to the fridge, asking Sebastian, “wanna see inside?” Their poor boy also seemed averse to being picked up or touched in anyway, so they were trying to make sure that they avoided physical contact with him unless absolutely necessary. Ultimately, it made Lin wonder what the poor kid had had to deal with in the first four years of his life.

“Mhmm,” Sebastian said, nodding his head in agreement before setting his plastic dog down and climbing the stool, which Lin held steady with one hand, the other one ready to catch him if he fell. Once standing on the wooden chair, Lin opened the fridge door.

“Can you see the blueberries in there?” Lin prompted, his eyes catching on the clear clamshell container right away. He stood close, but not touching, to Sebastian as he watched his eyes scan the shelves.

“Mhmm,” Sebastian said excitedly, pointing at the fridge in the general direction of the blueberries, before clapping his hands.

“Alright, I’ll grab them and you can go give them to Alex,” Lin said before quickly hoisting Sebastian back down to floor level, breaking the no touching rule in favour of safety.

Once at floor level, Sebastian picked up his plastic dog and awaited the clamshell of blueberries. Passing the container over, Lin watched tiny little feet scurry over to Alex. Now it was his turn to watch as their son as he silently handed over the blueberries.

“Would you like some blueberries on your pancakes?” Alex asked, pretending he hadn’t just been present for the past three minutes. Sebastian nodded vigorously. Lin smiled as Alex crouched down and opened the container.

“How many do you want on your pancakes?” At this question, Sebastian seemed to contemplate his options, his head cocking to the side. He had to spend less time around Tobi, he was starting to pick up her mannerisms.

But instead of providing a number, Sebastian just shrugged.

Reaching into the open clamshell, Alex took picked out five blueberries and held them in his hand.

“How about five blueberries?” he asked as Sebastian watched intently. When the little boy shook his head no, Alex added five more, repeating his question. Finally, Sebastian smiled and nodded yes, so Alex stood back up to the stove.

“Pancakes will be ready in a few minutes,” he announced, why don’t you go wash your hands?”

Tommy stood up off the couch, taking the hint and following Sebastian down the hall to the washroom to give him some help.


	24. A broke musician

**2004**

Alex couldn’t deny the fact that he was essentially a broke musician. It was the exact thing that his parents had warned him of when he first expressed an interest in going into the performing arts.

“You’ll never make any money that way,” his father told him many times. In his head, Alex always said to himself to just stay quiet, smile and nod. And prove them wrong. Except where was he? Living in a tiny apartment, almost an hour commute to the place where he was working for the moment. Heck, there wasn’t even space in the apartment for an electric piano to practice on.

Which was exactly why he was currently holed up in the basement of the Drama Bookshop, practicing the pieces that Lin-Manuel had brought him just the day before. He was the primary pianist and conductor for the show, he had to know his stuff inside and out. But, without a piano at home, he had to ride the train into town two to three hours before he was actually needed, just so he could have adequate practice time. But he managed. He would have to. There was no other way. There was something about this show that was unlike any other small project he had worked on before. It was full of life, youth and promise. He was pretty sure that it would go big places.

As he pulled out his music binder from his shoulder bag, Alex flipped through the pages until he found the newest addition to his repertoire. “Everything I Know,” the song was called. Upon initial examination, it appeared simple enough. Easy chords, simple rhythm. It would really just be a backing to whoever was singing the role of Nina, currently held by a girl with the voice of an angel. Alex hoped that Lin-Manuel and Tommy decided to keep her as Nina. Her voice was gorgeous and she really had put so much of herself into the role already.

But she needed piano backing. And as he placed the binder up on the music stand, Alex skimmed his eyes along the roles of music, still currently written in Lin-Manuels’ scratchy handwriting. For a former English teacher, the kid had terrible penmanship.

He stretched his fingers over the keys, and just blindly following along, he started to play the notes. And as he did, Alex felt as if he could hear Mandy’s voice singing the scratched lyrics and the sounds of the orchestra playing notes in the underpinning that had yet to exist. Heck, they didn’t even have an orchestra or band yet. That was what Alex loved about playing and composing. He could hear the sounds that had yet to exist. It was like his brain knew the melodies and harmonies even before his fingers did.

Truly, that was the reason he didn’t want to go into law or history or medicine. Because he would end up writing and playing music anyways. So why not get paid for it, and why not do the one thing in the world that he loved more than anything else?

* * *

Tommy had errands to run that morning before heading to the Drama Bookshop for rehearsal, so Lin took the subway into the city on his own. Headphones on, music up, he was feeling pretty good about the day ahead of them. He had finished a song just yesterday and was still riding the high of the creation. Sure he had to pass it off to Alex almost immediately, but still, it was a good feeling. He had even felt so confident that he had tried to cook dinner for him and Tommy last night. Didn’t work out very well, but hey, at least he tried.

As Lin stepped out of the train into the cold morning air and headed towards the space that they had managed to rent out, he couldn’t help but let the biggest grin his face could make grace his features. Sure, the space that they had at the Drama Bookshop was the basement. It was small and it was crowded. But it worked and it was what they had to work with. What other twenty-four year old could say that the musical they wrote and performed back in college could quite possibly end up getting big. Perhaps, dare he dream to say, even to Broadway?

He practically skipped down the tight stairs into the basement, unable to contain his excitement about going to work. Lin could remember back to when he was little, doing tiny one-act plays in his abuela’s kitchen or writing short songs for school projects and could have never once imagined that he would have gotten the opportunity to make a living off of his creativity.

His dad always said that he should be a lawyer, and Lin, in his smart-mouthed fashion would reply with something snappy like, “I’m too fabulous to be a lawyer. I’d just end up dancing on the podium-thing.” That never went down well but always made his sister laugh and ruffle his hair. Then she’d say something like, “I know you're gonna make it big on one of those stages,” before pointing to one of the posters taped to the wall in his room. Most days, he bet his family knew more about him before he found it out himself.

As he descended the stairs, he could hear the sounds of a piano playing, just like every morning. It was Alex. Why that guy practiced here and not elsewhere, Lin never questioned to his face, yet always wondered about. As long as he could play the stuff he was given correctly, Lin wasn’t about to complain.

“Morning Alex,” he called, dropping his stuff beside the tiny little stage they had taped off at the back of the room. When Alex didn’t reply, Lin figured he hadn’t heard over his concentration and walked over to the piano. He folded his arms on the top of the upright and placed his chin on them. That got Alex’s attention.

“Good morning kid,” Alex replied. Lin frowned a little. He wasn’t a kid anymore, jeez.

“Sounds good. Think it’ll work alright?” Lin asked, curious to see what Alex thought about Everything I Know. He loved it. It reminded him of the time that he went to his own abuela’s house and she showed him boxes upon boxes of old pictures. Of course, his abuela was still alive, but the sentiment remained. Especially the one of abuela in Puerto Rico holding her ragdoll, unsmiling black and white. So he took it and put it into words.

“It's really good. I think Tommy and Andy will like it for up on stage,” Alex said, closing the wooden cover to the piano. Oh, Tommy liked it. Lin knew that; he had played it for him many times. But, of course, no one knew that they were dating aside from Lin’s family. For now, they had decided that their relationship needed to stay secret. The fact that Lin was gay, well, that was harder to hide.

“I hope they will,” Lin chirped in reply.

* * *

Alex leaned against the wall of the Drama Bookshop, willing his eyes to not slip shut. He was tired and wanted to go home, but that wasn’t exactly possible at the moment. Besides, it was only lunch.

Lin-Manuel was sitting up on their makeshift stage, his feet dangling off the edge, bouncing a little. The noise of his heels hitting the wood making a sound thumping noise throughout the room. Some people had left to get lunch, some brought food with them. Alex knew he should eat, but he was too busy people watching. Chris, Lin-Manuel, Tommy and Mandy were sitting together, talking about something that kept causing all of them to laugh. Javier, Seth and Robin were over on the floor by the stairs, looking at Seth’s Gameboy. The rest of the cast had left to go get food and Alex had decided that he wanted a nap, saying "no thank you" to any company.

“What are you doing Alex?” a voice said some time later. He had kinda zoned out for a while and was slightly confused. Looking towards the voice, he saw Chris’s face right in his field of view.

“What am I doing what?” Alex asked, confused as to what Chris was asking. The man was cryptic sometimes and never said exactly what he meant. Always wanted you to guess for yourself.

“Lin has a significant other you know,” Chris said, sitting down beside him. Alex sat up and frowned as Chris. Did he see him staring their way all of the lunch hour? Had he been watching him everyday at rehearsals? He probably had. That man seemed to have eyes on the back of his head.

“Didn’t think he didn’t,” Alex sputtered, realizing he had been caught, “besides, I’m not gay.” Wasn’t exactly a _lie_ , so to speak. He wasn’t _gay_. He liked women as equally as he liked men. Wasn’t something he was willing to be shouting at the top of his lungs from the rooftops.

“Not an issue if you were to be gay,” Chris said shrugging, “not my cup of tea, but not my place to judge.”

“Not gay,” Alex said, frowning. The longer this conversation went on the more sick to his stomach he started feeling. Yeah, sure, lots of people in the theatre business were gay. Didn’t make it any better that people still hated people like him. “

Okay, you’re not gay,” Chris said, “but I just wanted to tell you that Lin has a significant other who he’s been with for years.” Then the bigger man got up and walked away, leaving Alex dumbstruck.

What on earth had just happened?


	25. When You're Home

**2003**

“I want to get ice cream with you,” Tommy said nervously over the phone that evening. He had been laying in his bed in the tiny apartment he had been living in since moving to New York after graduating from Wesleyan and was thinking of interesting places to take Lin out for a date. It had been almost a week since he had seen his boyfriend face to face and he was starting to really miss him.

“Are you asking me out on a date,” the excited voice of Lin said back into his ear, “and, not to hijack your plans or anything, but there's this really good ice cream place in Washington Heights that we should really go to.”

“Yes, I’m asking you out on a date,” Tommy said, chuckling at how quickly Lin had gotten on board with this topic. “And, I didn’t really have a location in mind, so we should go to your place.”

* * *

It was a hot and sticky summer day and the warmth of the sidewalks in Washington Heights was just adding to the sweat collecting under Tommy’s shirt. He had even chosen to wear a lighter shirt than he was originally planning on and he was absolutely drenched by the time he had stepped out of the subway.

Lin had told him to just meet him at his parents' house, a two minute walk from the station entrance, because that would be easier to find than the ice cream shop. Tommy knew where the building was and found it with ease. It wasn’t like he hadn’t ever been to the house before. As he approached the building, he could see Lin, in his characteristic saggy jeans and a green shirt sitting on the front step cleaning his sunglasses on the hem of his shirt.

Slowing his walking speed a little, Tommy admired his boyfriend. His hair was shaved down on the sides with a slightly longer section of hair at the top. In the sun, the elements of brown stood out in the longer area and looked almost like it was glowing. From this angle, Lin looked more like a teenager than the nearly twenty-three year old he was.

“Whatchu doing out here?” Tommy asked once he got in earshot.

“Miguel is asleep inside. You know what they say, don’t wake a sleeping baby,” Lin explained as he stood from the step. Ah yes, Lin’s eldest nephew and family were staying with his grandparents until their apartment was set up. Easier on the baby.

“So, where's this ice cream place?” Tommy asked as Lin started to lead the way away from the house.

“Just a couple streets down,” Lin replied, reaching down to take Tommy’s hand before seemingly remembering that they couldn’t do that in public and pulling his hand away. Tommy looked over at Lin, who was now looking at his moving feet with a sad look on his face.

“One day,” Tommy whispered, bumping their shoulders together, “I promise.”

* * *

“We’d always hang out in this park,” Lin said as they walked towards a bench, “rapping and annoying all the old people.” Tommy huffed a laugh and could totally imagine a younger version of his boyfriend sitting on the back of a park bench in baggy-er clothes surrounded by other kids and a radio, just messing around.

“'Bennett Park', could be your next musical,” Tommy joked as he licked a dripping stripe of ice cream off of his cone.

“Nah, already doing a whole musical about this area, don’t need a second one,” Lin replied.

“Tell me, what else did you and your friends do to terrorize this poor park,” Tommy asked jokingly.

“One of my friends carried around a wrench every summer that he had stolen from somewhere - think that guy is still in jail actually - but if it got too warm, he’d crack open the 179th street fire hydrant for all of us and the other kids to play in,” Lin replied, his gaze focused on something in the distance, as if he was seeing the memory playing in his head as he spoke of it.

“Course, we all ran and hid when the cops showed up.”

“Of course, Mr. Clean Record,” Tommy teased.

“That's the most important part,” Lin said.

They sat in silence for a little longer before something seemed to come to mind and Lin stood from the bench, “C’mon, I want to show you something.”

And with that, Lin started walking down one of the many paths in the park, Tommy following along. He loved going for walks like this with Lin, where he just let his brain go and lead them in all sorts of cool directions. After a few minutes of walking with Lin adding little tidbits of information here and there, they both finished their ice cream and came to a wall of bush. Tommy wondered whether they were going to follow the wall left or right when Lin just looked around quickly and ducked through an area that seemed less densely packed than the rest of the surrounding area.

And suddenly Lin was gone. Tommy laughed to himself before following his boyfriend’s retreating rear end through the shrubbery. Of course Lin knew all the little routes and paths throughout this park. Suddenly, he was on the other side of the hedge and was looking out at the Manhattan skyline from a thin rock ledge, completely hidden from the rest of the patrons of the park. It was beautiful and breath-taking, even in the heat of the day. It was then that Lin grabbed onto his hand and laced their fingers together.

“Wanted to do this all day,” Lin muttered. Tommy leaned over, balancing very carefully and kissed Lin.

“Wanted to do that all day,” Tommy said, “Wanted to do it in front of everyone whose eyes dared us to.”

* * *

That night, tucked into his childhood bedroom, all lights turned off except for the one that lit his piano, Lin could hear a melody playing through his brain. He wasn’t sure quite what its use was going to be for, but it definitely sounded like Heights from where he sat at that moment. When he hummed the chords for the first time, it was almost like he could hear Chris Jackson singing, “the streets are a little kinder, when you’re home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been to Bennett Park before, so I don't know what it looks at, what it sees, what it looks like. I chose it due to the When You're Home song because Benny says that he and Usnavi would hang out at Bennett park to listen to the radio


	26. Emily Who?

**2017**

“I miss you guys,” Lin said into his phone. It was late. He should have been asleep. But instead he was phoning Alex and Tommy. Sure, they had talked that morning and Lin had texted them off and on during the day, but a year was a really long time to go without seeing his partners everyday. New York and London were really far apart.

Mary Poppins seemed to be taking a toll on him that Lin had never expected. Aside from leaving the loves of his life for an entire year to work on what could turn into the biggest project of his life, Lin found himself missing his family, Tobi, and New York. He missed the streets he’d grown up in and missed the familiarity of day to day life. He was eight months in and Lin was more than a little homesick.

His parents had come to visit twice already and they talked every couple of days. Tommy had come to visit six times though Alex had only came four times, now very busy on his next show. Lin was so proud of Alex, but he really missed him and hadn’t seen him in person in close to four months. The separation ached like a missing limb.

“I miss you too Lin,” Tommy whispered into the phone. Lin knew that Alex was asleep in their bedroom and frankly, Tommy should be too. They all should be asleep.

That night, Lin fell asleep to the low rumble of Tommy’s voice in his ear.

 

Lin woke up the next morning and took the train to the studio. He tried to keep his head down, stay unnoticed. He appreciated London for the sole fact that he was relatively unknown. No one recognized him here.

When he was underground, Lin could close his eyes and imagine that he was taking the A train from Washington Heights down to the Richard Rogers. Out of all the places in New York he missed, the Rogers was one of them. He’d spent three years worth of eight shows a week on that stage. It was like he’d lost a part of himself.

Pulling out his phone, Lin checked his messages, fully recognizing that both Tommy and Alex would still be asleep. Frowning at his lack of messages, Lin pocketed his phone and tried to focus on his music that was playing over the new headphones that Tommy had bought him before he left.

Getting off at his stop, Lin trudged his way to the studio as he felt the skies open and start to rain. He hadn’t brought an umbrella and was too lazy to pull up his hood. The rain soaked his hair - which he hadn’t bothered to brush or style that morning - and dripped down the back of his neck to drench his shirt. Lin couldn’t seem to care. He was just going around from day to day, counting down the hours until he could go back to New York.

 

“Whats wrong Lin?” Emily asked the second he walked onto set. Lin glared at their Mary Poppins, who was already partially dressed in her outfit of the day. She looked so happy, her eyes shining in the light and it made Lin feel even more miserable. It was as if everyone else’s joy just amplified his sorrow.

“Nothing,” he lied in response, “I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” Emily said, grabbing onto his arm and causing them to both have to stop in their tracks. Lin narrowed his eyes at her and pulled his arm away from her. “C’mon, have you even had coffee yet?”

“No,” Lin grumbled and pulled his left headphone off completely and settled the set around his neck. Maybe a cup of coffee would improve his mood. Really, they just needed to start filming so that he could get to acting and singing to take his mind off the fact that living in London was so different.

Once he had a cup of coffee in his hand, Lin found that his life was able to be put into perspective that way. It would only be four more months. He was already two thirds of the way through. He could do it.

“How is it that you are soaking wet and managed to skip coffee this morning Lin?” Emily asked.

“I don’t know,” he replied, “Just a little scatterbrained this morning.”

* * *

“Hello?” Tommy said into his phone. He didn’t recognize the phone number, but if they had ended up with his personal number, chances are, it wasn’t some weirdo.

“Hi Tommy, its Emily,” the lady - Emily - said on the phone. Okay. Cool. He wasn’t sure if he knew an Emily.

“Hi. What can I do for you?” He asked, playing his cards safe.

“I can tell you have no idea who I am,” Emily said, her accent British, “Emily Blunt, I’m working with your husband.”

“Ohhhhhhh,” Tommy said, it finally clicking. Of course he knew her. And he thought it was really cool that she thought that he, Lin and Alex were married. Kinda nice to have an ally.

“Anyways, I know you and Alex are super busy, Lin keeps telling me so, but I was just wondering if or when you two were planning on coming out to London. Your boy is falling apart out here.”

“What makes you say that? We spoke last night and he sounded fine,” Tommy said. Lin truly sounded like he was keeping it together last night. Sure, he was waiting for the next monthly visit, but other than a little loneliness, he sounded okay.

“Well, it was raining this morning and he came into the studios soaking wet. He managed to soak his headphones too. Though, what really struck me as odd, was he forgot coffee. Lin never forgets coffee,” Emily explained.

* * *

Alex couldn’t get away from the show as long as he would have wished, but on the plane to London, all he could think of was the look on Lin’s face when he saw them. They hadn’t told Lin that they were coming to spend the Thanksgiving weekend with him, wanted it to be a surprise. They knew the address to his apartment and the code - 1776 - to get into it without a key.

Figuring that Lin would be home any minute - from what Tommy had said as they texted the entire cab ride into town - Alex suggested that they hide on him. But there was really nothing to hide behind and considering how worn out Lin always seemed after filming, perhaps it wasn’t the greatest idea. But before they could decide what to do aside from awkwardly standing in the middle of the kitchen, the lock on the door beeped four times and the light from the hallway illuminated the dark corners.

“What the hell?” Alex heard Lin mutter to himself as he kicked off his shoes, both flying in opposite directions and colliding with the wall, “I thought I turned these off.”

Then he rounded the corner and Alex could see the dark brown hair, chocolate brown eyes and soft features of his other boyfriend.

“Hi Lin,” Tommy said and they both watched as he rapidly jerked his head up to look at them with immense confusion. Then his eyes softened and he dropped his bag onto the floor before rushing to them.

“You’re here,” he whispered, leaning into Tommy’s chest and pulling Alex into the embrace with his other arm, “you’re really here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always say, "I'm gonna try to write angst" ... this is the crap you get when I decide to write angst without actually feeling in an angsty mood


	27. The Bedroom Door

**2008**

Tommy blinked his eyes open against the bright light shining into what he had started to consider “their bedroom.” Ever since he and Lin had finally admitted that they both held feelings for the latino conductor and Alex admitted that he felt the same way, he couldn’t believe that he was the luckiest man in the world. He loved both of his partners, both his partners loved each other, and they both loved him.

Rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand, he looked around their bedroom and saw that Alex was still sleeping, facedown, where he had passed out the night before. Looking at the pianist with fond eyes, Tommy let himself really just indulge in looking. His black hair had even tighter curls than Tommy’s hair and there was a barely noticeable kink at the nape of his neck from where he had tied it all back with an elastic band at the beginning of the day. Alex was sporting some stubble on his cheeks and a little longer hair around his mouth for his goatee, which Tommy knew he’d trim up later that day. He was wearing a grey shirt that was twisted around him, as if he’d moved a lot during the night. It was adorable and Tommy loved it.

Looking over, he noticed that Lin wasn’t in bed anymore, which wasn’t exactly uncommon, though he had no idea what the youngest member of their trio could be up to. Heights needed no more revisions and so far, he hadn’t expressed that he was working on something else. Yet. Who knew what was going on in the head of his? 

Pushing himself up to sitting, he could hear Lin talking in the living room. Well, maybe he did have something that he was working on the inside of that head of his. Anything was possible. Shrugging and falling back into the bed, Tommy let himself just doze a little.

In The Heights was going spectacularly, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t need some de-stressing time. And there was a show that they’d have to do tonight, so the less worked up that Tommy was, the better everyone's days would be. He knew that he could be a little bit of a bear sometimes, but all these young kids that he was basically the same age as really liked to test his limits of patience on stage.

Tommy had just drifted back to sleep when he heard a loud, “DON’T MAMA!” from somewhere on the other side of the bedroom door, which Lin had obviously closed when he had vacated the space earlier. Used to loud outbursts like that, Tommy figured that Lin was working on something for a song and ignored it. Though, beside him, he could feel Alex sit bolt upright.

That was when Tommy heard a woman’s voice say, “ese no es Tommy.”

Using his sneaky fake sleeping skills, Tommy pulled down the covers just a fraction to see over. Standing at the entrance to their bedroom and the foot of their bed was Luz, looking awfully confused.

Turning around to Lin, who was standing just behind her in pyjama pants and one of Tommy’s hooded sweatshirts, Luz stated, “nunca me dijiste que rompiste con Tommy.”

Now, Tommy knew enough Spanish to know what Lin’s mother had been saying, and Alex certainly understood all of it. This was going to be an interesting conversation. He knew that the senior Miranda’s were more than open to the fact that their son was gay and was dating a man. But two men? Who knows how that would go over.

“Mamá, ¿podemos hablar en la cocina?” Lin asked his mother, his voice almost pleading.

“Creo que mejor,” she said before turning on her heal and walking out the bedroom door.

Once Tommy and Alex were sitting alone once again, he looked over at Alex, the conductor having not moved an inch. It was like he was holding his breath.

“Well,” Tommy huffed. What a way for Alex to wake up for the first time at their apartment. Sure, they’d shared a bed before this night, but this was the first time that Alex had taken them up on their offer to stay the night. Their relationship was still new. It was practically infantile compared to what his and Lin’s well-oiled-machine. This was the last thing he wanted to explain to Lin’s parents. At least his parents generally wanted nothing to do with him and Alex’s parents lived on the other side of the country.

“Well,” Alex replied, allowing himself to be pulled backwards into a hug from Tommy.

“So that’s Lin’s mom,” Tommy said before Alex started giggling. Then Tommy joined in. It was just such a random and unexpected occurrence that it all at once struck him as obnoxiously funny.

 

After maybe another half hour, Tommy heard the apartment door squeak open and then shut followed by furious shuffling from the living room area. Figuring that Luz had left, Tommy went out to go see how Lin was doing.

Opening the door, he caught Lin mid-throw of one of the cushions from the couch. It flew across the room and landed in the entry-way. Next, Lin reached out to grab another cushion, shoved it against his face with such great force that he thought he may have given himself whiplash, and screamed. Then that pillow went flying. It flew over into the kitchen and narrowly missed landing in the sink.

“Lin, enough,” Tommy said, sternly yet gently. He didn’t want an enraged Lin on his hands. That was never a fun time for anyone. Turning to glare at Tommy, his eyes softened once they locked.

“I’m so sorry she did that,” Lin said, the anger seeming to flow out of his body, only to be replaced by sadness? Tommy watched as he collapsed on the spot, his knees buckling and falling to the floor.

“Hey, Lin, its okay,” Tommy said, rushing to Lin’s side and gathering him into his arms.

“She wants you to come over for lunch this week. You and Alex both,” Lin said through sniffles.

Well. That was not what Tommy was expecting. At all. But hey, he’d take that over literally any other reaction.

* * *

Lin hesitantly reached out and turned the knob to his parents townhouse. He recognized his sister’s car out front already, so for sure there was at least a few people in the house. Awesome. Amazing. Exactly what he wanted. Not.

“It’ll be fine Lin, I promise,” Tommy said, pushing the door open from where he stood next to him. Suddenly they were hit with the unforgettable smell of his mother's cooking.

He knew the smells - couldn’t tell you exactly what they were - but they threw him right back to his childhood. His early years, spent in this house, becoming the performer that he was to this day. He would be fine. He would make it fine. He couldn’t lose his parent’s love. That couldn’t happen.

“Lin! You’re here!” the soprano voice of his sister - Luce - rang out through the house. And that began the stampede of foot steps. Luce and her husband were first, pulling each of the three of them into big hugs and showering Alex with a huge round of, “it’s nice to meet you!”

Next was his parents. His mother came forward first, pulling Lin in for a hug. He needed that. She had left with a hug just days before and they hadn’t spoken since. It felt like a hole had been ripped inside him that was now just getting patched up, little by little.

“I’m so sorry for barging in the other day boys,” his mother said, turning to Tommy for a hug and then, while hesitantly, Alex last. She still seemed a little unsure about the whole three-way-relationship-thing, but at least she was trying.

His father, on the other hand, was not. He was standing at the entry to the front hall, unmoving and stoic-faced. Once they got settled, Lin would have to try to have a talk with him. Tommy and Alex were a part of his life now, for better or for worse, and he had to find a way to get his dad to see that.

But before anything could be said, they were ushered into the sitting room to greet all the nieces and nephews. Drinks were handed out and chips and salsa were passed around. It really felt like any other weekend lunch, if you ignored the fact that his father had yet to say a thing. He just passively let the conversation happen around him.

At about a quarter to twelve, his mother called, “Luis, Lin, could you help me with something?” from the kitchen. She had only disappeared in there about five minutes before and rarely asked for help in the kitchen. Leaving Tommy and Alex to their own devices, Lin stood and followed his father.

“Ustedes dos necesitan hablar de esto,” his mother started, “una vez que ambos estén en la misma página, se les permite volver a la sala de estar.” Then she walked out and they were alone.

“Mijo, who is Alex?” his father started off by asking. There was no screaming, no anger, just a pleading voice that seemed to convey just how worried he was.

“He’s the conductor and pianist for Heights. That’s where Tommy and I met him,” Lin explained.

“Four years mijo, four years you’ve been talking about Alex and now you’re dating him too?” his father asked. It was as if he was genuinely trying to understand what was being discussed, and while failing, he was trying.

“Yeah papa, we’re dating each other.”

“But how does that work? Is there some way that you...share?”

“Papa, think of it this way. If Alex, Tommy and I hold hands and stand in a circle, we’re all still holding each other’s hands. Each arm is still holding onto the other person.” Lin knew that that was a terrible explanation, but maybe the visual aid was what his father needed.

“So, you like each other equally?”

“Yeah.” And that was when the kitchen and their conversation went silent. It was as if his father was working really hard in his brain to process all this new information. Lin couldn’t blame him. His mother took it a lot easier, which he was grateful for, and he knew his father may take a little more work.

“Siempre tuviste más amor en tu corazón que el de una sola persona,” his father finally whispered, reaching out and pulling him into a hug. Lin went willingly. He could feel the last of the hole in his heart mending itself.

He had his family back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spanish to English translations courtesy of Google Translate because I only know English and French.
> 
> ese no es Tommy = thats not Tommy  
> nunca me dijiste que rompiste con Tommy = you never told me you broke up with Tommy  
> Mamá, ¿podemos hablar en la cocina? = mom, can we speak in the kitchen?  
> Creo que mejor = I think we should  
> Ustedes dos necesitan hablar de esto, una vez que ambos estén en la misma página, se les permite volver a la sala de estar = you two need to talk this out. once you're both on the same page, you're allowed to come back into the sitting room  
> Siempre tuviste más amor en tu corazón que el de una sola persona = You always had more love in your heart than that of just one person
> 
> If any of these are horribly wrong, let me know and I'll gladly change them!


	28. To Raise a Child - Part 4

**2018**

They had talked about it on occasion after they finally adopted Sebastian. Who would be “dad” if Sebastian decided that that was what he wanted to call them. But they never came to any type of conclusion of the topic, often finding it hard to simply find a second and third fatherly name.

So when Sebastian walked up to Tommy at the park, tugged on his pant leg, and said, “Daddy, I have to go potty,” the decision seemed to have been made on its own.

They had brought Sebastian to the park that morning. It would not only be less crowded for Sebastian, but also for their own public sakes. And it turned out, after Sebastian finally understood that there would be no way they’d be leaving him at the park alone under any circumstances, he actually really enjoyed himself.

After pushing him on the swings for upwards of thirty minutes, Alex had encouraged him to go try to play with the other kids. That was still one skill that they were trying to help Sebastian with. The art of playing with other kids. He was fine with his cousins, but the second it was kids that he didn’t know, Sebastian refused to talk or play.

Considering that he would be heading to school in the fall, he really needed to get used to other kids while he was under familiar supervision. Sebastian managed to play a very short round of grounders with a couple of the other kids before he came running over to where Tommy, Alex and Lin were standing with the wagon they had brought to the park.

With his big blue eyes open wide, he tugged at Tommy’s pant leg and referred to him as daddy.

* * *

Tommy thought that his heart was going to explode. They had been very careful to make sure that Sebastian never felt pressured to call them anything in particular. Though, he figured it was only a matter of time before he picked up on the whole father name thing from other kids. He turned to look at Alex and Lin, both of which were staring at him with the biggest grin on their faces.

* * *

Sebastian was laying in bed that night, not really seeming like he had wanted to be asleep. But, he had to sleep at some point and all Lin wanted was for his little angel to sleep. He had sung Dear Theodosia to him three times already and told two bear and lamb stories. But nothing was working.

“Are you sleepy at all bud?” Lin asked after finishing singing someday, someday for the third time. He was tired, he was frustrated, but all Sebastian seemed to want to do was stay up and do literally anything but sleep.

“Not really Linny,” Sebastian said and Lin chuckled at the goofy name. He’d heard Sebastian say it to him on occasion, but always just assume it was a silly way of saying his name.

“Okay, well how about this, I’ll stay here with you for a couple more minutes, but then I gotta go to bed too,” Lin replied. He was exhausted.

Sebastian managed to stay quiet and still for only about two minutes before he started squirming around.

“Is something wrong bud?” Lin asked, rolling onto his side so he could actually see his son, eye to eye.

“Kinda,” Sebastian replied with a shrug.

“What is it bud?” Lin said.

“Is Alex and you mad?” Sebastian asked, not meeting Lin’s eyes, but the look he could see was one of extreme worry.

“No. No bud. I’m not mad at you and neither is Alex. Is it because you called Tommy Dad today?” Lin asked.

“Kinda,” Sebastian said.

That was one thing that Lin didn’t quite understand about kids. They still couldn’t articulate their thoughts and were horrible at altering when there was something wrong. Other than crying. There was a lot of crying.

“How about this, lets go to our room and make sure that no one is mad at you,” Lin said, rolling off the bed and standing. Sebastian, seemingly willing to do anything except sleep, bolted out of the bed and ran for the door. Too tired to play chase, Lin followed behind at a much slower pace.

* * *

Alex was fussing with his hearing aids, trying to get them to charge when out of one ear, he heard the stomp of tiny feet into their bedroom. It wouldn’t be the first time that Sebastian had snuck into their room after he was supposed to be asleep. It wouldn’t be the first time that Lin had fallen asleep while getting Sebastian into bed.

Slipping his second hearing aid back on, Alex poked his head out of the bathroom to see his son mid-climb up onto their bed. Tommy had turned off the television and was smiling at Sebastian.

“Whatcha doing buddy?” Tommy asked as he approached his side of the bed. Climbing onto his side with Sebastian sitting criss-cross-apple-sauce between them, Alex saw Lin appear in the doorway.

“Hey bud, you gonna ask Alex your question?” Lin prompted, climbing onto the foot of the bed, in line with his spot, but just down at the bottom.

“Are you mad at me?” Sebastian asked, looking at his lap with great interest. It was like he couldn’t possibly make eye contact with him.

“I’m not Sebastian, I’m not mad,” Alex insisted. He wasn’t sure what kind of child logic brought this on, but he wondered if it was because of the whole dad thing at the park earlier.

“Is it because you called Tommy dad but not Lin or I?” Alex asked. Sebastian nodded.

“Everyone at the park has a mommy and a daddy but I have three daddies but I can’t call you all daddy because that hurts my brain.”

And in that statement, Alex seriously wondered how Lin and Sebastian were not actually related. The mannerisms were exactly the same.

“How about this, you can call Tommy ‘daddy’ and tonight while you’re asleep, Alex, Tommy and I will think about other versions of dad for us, okay bud?” Lin said, leaning forward on his elbows to look Sebastian in the eye.

“If that's what you want to call us, then you can,” Tommy added, bending over and kissing their son on the top of the head.

After hugs and kisses all around, Tommy brought Sebastian back to bed, returning minutes later to report that he’d fallen asleep in a flash.

* * *

Sebastian decided he liked Daddy, Pop and Papi better than Tommy, Alex and Lin much better the next morning at breakfast.


End file.
